It'll Change, but Not Today in Day by Day
- July 5, 2017, 3:44 p.m.
- |
- Public
Our Fourth was uneventful. We had a couple of drinks with the neighbors, then dodged the shrapnel from the other neighbors’ fireworks. They were shooting off heavy duty mortars all around the house. I was thankful they didn’t set our trees on fire. I was irritated that it didn’t stop until after midnight. Enough, already. This country is bitterly divided and no amount of chest beating will change that. Stop calling me names like “snowflake” “Libturd” and other insults Fox News taught ya and I MIGHT be willing to listen. I think I need an apology first, though, because the moment you disrespected me was the moment I learned to hold you in disgust.
I’m worried. As I was pulling my jeans on yesterday, the back of my hand brushed my thigh and I felt something rough. I looked down to see an awful looking scab…not a usual brown one but sort of black and gray. And I don’t remember even scratching my leg, so I don’t know how I’d scratch it open. I tried removing the scab, but it didn’t want to release and then it started bleeding and I get light-headed at the sight of blood, so I covered it with a bandage and now every time I think of looking at it, my stomach flip flops.
OF COURSE I think it’s skin cancer. And always, in the back of my mind, I know I’m the next to die out of my original family because I’m the only one left. I tell myself I’m not being rational, it’s just a scab and give it a week to see if it heals, so that’s what I’m doing. I could use your prayers, good vibes, happy thoughts, etc.
It’s just too much to deal with right now. I’ve lost too much and I don’t have it in me to fight the good fight anymore. All I feel around me and in me is negative. I’m sure it’ll change, but not today.
Deleted user ⋅ July 05, 2017
I had mortars going off at 1:30am. I didn't even realize that's what they were called until someone told me today. I'm one of those crabby people who doesn't think it should even be legal to light explosives like that. Mortars. That's something you'd expect on the front lines of war! lol
ConnieK Deleted user ⋅ July 05, 2017
I wondered if our house would make it a couple of times. I was bothered that their little girls were running around. It seemed like total chaos.
woman in the moon ⋅ July 05, 2017
Oh I will think good thoughts for you. I hate this getting old and sick and we know it's coming/here/etc. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your dr but maybe you'd feel better having it looked at right away. I'm sure you will get there soon. And I certainly hope it's either nothing or something easily fixed. Bless you, my friend.
ConnieK woman in the moon ⋅ July 05, 2017
Thanks, Moon Woman. If it's not healed in a week, I'll get it checked out. I'm just trying to get to Medicare (in October) before I start the doctor rounds.
Chic Chat ⋅ July 05, 2017
Sending good thoughts and prayers your way sweet lady.
ConnieK Chic Chat ⋅ July 05, 2017
Thank you. They are very much appreciated.
Shattered ⋅ July 05, 2017
Praying for you and sending lots of hugs.
ConnieK Shattered ⋅ July 05, 2017
Thanks, Storm. I need to read your latest...haven't forgotten you, just feeling overwhelmed.
Shattered ConnieK ⋅ July 05, 2017
Honey I'm not the least bit worried about you catching up with me. :) I know you've had a lot going on.
GypsyWynd ⋅ July 05, 2017
Sending you prayers and {{hugs}}.
Be gentle with yourself.
We had fireworks from the VFW on the other side of the lake, and firecrackers next door. I didn't mind the former, but could've done without the latter. At least they quit by 11-ish.
ConnieK GypsyWynd ⋅ July 05, 2017
Oh, nice that you had such good seats for the fireworks show! Thanks and I will. {HUGS}
Eriu ⋅ July 05, 2017
(((hugs))) and prayers! You're important to me, too; you always have good thoughts coming to you from me!
ConnieK Eriu ⋅ July 05, 2017
Thanks, Eriu. Much love to you.
QueenSuzu ⋅ July 06, 2017
Hugs and will think that it is just a scab and nothing more and it will be gone within the week. Can totally sympathize with not having any more left to fight the good fight as my daughter told me today her girls most definitely do not want to come back, not even for their every other week routine. Will write about it when I can process it better.
ConnieK QueenSuzu ⋅ July 06, 2017
Thank you for those good thoughts. Your daughter's X is beyond cruel. I'll pray harder.
QueenSuzu ConnieK ⋅ July 06, 2017
Yes he is beyond cruel.
a mote, floating ⋅ July 06, 2017
Sending (((Hugs))), prayers, and good vibes!
Yikes about the mortars. I'm relieved nothing went up in flames. We had that nonsense up in Boston -- starting in April in a neighborhood filled with 100-year-old wood-frame Victorians. Kept having to call the cops' "party line" in the middle of the night.
ConnieK a mote, floating ⋅ July 06, 2017
I grew up in Winchester, MA, where ALL the neighbors called the cops if they heard firecrackers. Thanks for the encouragement. I'd just hoped to get to Medicare in October and then take the health bull by the horns. And always, the last to go thing is in the back of my mind.
WildflowerHeart ⋅ July 07, 2017
Healing thoughts and prayers!!
ConnieK WildflowerHeart ⋅ July 07, 2017
Thanks. I think it's improving.
Marg ⋅ July 07, 2017
Loads of positive vibes and happy thoughts being spread in your direction as I type!
ConnieK Marg ⋅ July 07, 2017
Thanks! I looked at it today and think it is healing. Scared the heck outta me.
Marg ConnieK ⋅ July 08, 2017
I bet!
Ferret Mom ⋅ July 14, 2017
I am behind on reading entries. By this point in time is it better?
I think it is easier to worry about everything when it is at a time when you are overwhelmed already.
ConnieK Ferret Mom ⋅ July 15, 2017
You're right about worry!