I should say a lot in It only makes sense to me

yet here I sit...staring at the screen so much my eyes are burning. i've wrote about 5 entries in the past few days, yet I always jsut delete them. why bother posting. i feel like I have so much going on inside me..and I care, but I don't care. I feel like I need a big cry..an exhausting down on the floor in the fetal position, cry. But I don't. I almost did today, talking to my boss. My throat burned and my voice caught... I just left the room. I couldn't stop a few tears from coming. I just shut myself down. I feel like if I write, it would help. Really truly write what's going on with me..inside me. But I don't care.
I want to not care about everything. I want to truly embrace the bitter girl people percieve me as. the hateful person they all think I am. The loser my mother sees me as. the broken pieces that no one and nothing can fix.
i'm over this. and this is why I dont post. another waa waa entry.