428 in idea barrages

1.) He couldn’t prove they were prairie dogs, most a priori dogs, really.

2.) Here at GYMNASEUM, we charge just one dollar a month for a membership card so you can pretend you go to a gym.

3.) The name “J.D. Power and Associates” is wasted on a car rating company when it COULD HAVE been a superhero team.

4.) Earth Wind and Fire should have a cover band called “60% Of Captain Planet”.

5.) Your all-woman Cat Stevens cover band will be called “Catherine Stevens”.

6.) Convince a religious extremist that you think the LEFT BEHIND series is about one buttcheek.

7.) If the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers are your kink, you can be said to have a “massive Zord-on”.

8.) Your dub-step remixes of John Cage and Philip Glass will form the foundations of the new sub genre “art-house”.

9.) Let’s just throw it all away and start pulling taffy at Sylvan Beach or something.

10.) Your millions will be made selling a sex toy for knife enthusiasts called “The Strop-On”.

11.) Hipster inventors subscribe to “Before It Was Popular Science”.

12.) A Communist reinterpretation of “Bye Bye Birdie” build around the line “We love you Comrade, oh yes we do”.

13.) I hope that when there are robot hookers, we’ll call the Red Light Districts “Silicon Alleys”.

14.) The sign “Grand Opening” had been outside the store for years. Because it was an elderly porn store and that was actually just its name.

15.) As the man ran from the angry chimney sweeps, he yelled “ALL I ASKED WAS IF HE WOULD CLEAN OUT MY ASH HOLE!”

16.) If you’re ever going to rob a socialite ball, at least have your first words be “C’mon party people! Put your hands in the air!”

17.) Someday a master of Chinese cuisine will finally perfect Specific Tsao’s Chicken.

18.) Of course no one watches self-important blowhards yell about sports and politics on cable anymore. We can do it ourselves on Twitter.

19.) Who lives in Seattle around Ninety-Three? GRUNGEBOB FRAYEDPANTS.

20.) Being a Mets fan is like being a Democrat, it builds character to be completely screwed all the time forever. Builds humility.