Snappy in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

This should be quick.
(1) Woke up on time… but.....................

Nope. This won’t be quick. Never mind. I’ll do the quick part, then I’ll rehash a long part, then that’ll be it. So… here’s the quick part:
(1) Woke up on time at 6am but went back to bed because so sleepy. Got up at 7, raced to the office, in the office by 8.
(2) Went to the courthouse by 8:30, walked by my client many times before realizing it was him.
(3) We got the plea set… it sucks when a poor kid with no money and no family gets screwed on a Suspended License charge but I literally did everything I could; so the minimum penalty is something I should be okay with.
(4) The whole court experience put my billables to 2 hours today. So, even if I only work for another entire hour… that would mean I’m already outpacing my average.
(5) Walking back from Lunch, I received a phone call for another appointment. An aggravated misdemeanor… an individual who assaulted either a police officer or a jailer. So… there are likely some anger issues with this client; gulp. We’ll review the case and see if there is anything I can do for the guy… I kind of hope there is just because.... why be an attorney if you can’t do anything for your clients?
(6) So for the rest of my day at work; I’m likely looking at Research for Chinese Boss and trying to figure out how best to handle the incoming case; when it shows up.
(7) Then tonight? Who knows. Definitely Archer. Other than that though.... who knows.

NOW FOR THE LONG PART

So… last night, I got home from work tired. Another long day, another day with some long drives and hand shaking and smiling and being the “eager new associate who loves work so much that it is okay that I’m not getting paid” and… yeah. Exhausted. Went home, tidied, played video games. Not much. Wife comes home at 10:30 at night. I’m still up because… yeah, I want to see my bedmate/roommate periodically and I wanted to tell her a little about my day. She comes in and is excited to test out a 4K HDMI cable she bought. We have a 4K TV; but no 4K source so… whatever? But yeah… as usual.... no hug, no kiss, no how was your day… no responding when I ask how her day went. Usual. I started doing the dishes: emptying dishwasher then rinsing the dirty dishes then putting them in the dishwasher. And she’s… already in her own world. SO… I get her attention and start telling me how my day went. The first few sentences, I’m at least moderately sure that she heard me… but I could tell when I got to the part of the day that I most wanted to share with her… she wasn’t listening. Because instead of reacting or commenting or participating in the conversation; she was quietly muttering swears under her breath at our YouTube App because she couldn’t find any quality 4K material with which to test the new cable she’d purchased. ::Eye Roll:: I mean… it hurts and it is annoying that I will never matter as much to her as her TV or Phone; but you’d think I’d be used to it by now. Then I finish with the dishes and sit next to her as she plays a 4K video… and leaves the room. So all of that and when you finally play the video; you leave? Hrm. Okay. Then she goes into the Guest Bedroom and starts talking about placement of things. As I am the only other person in the Apartment; I respond to what she is saying. Which begins to annoy her. So she shares (in her irritated voice), “You know I’m talking to myself, right?!” ::Eye Roll:: fine. I’ll sit here quietly, watching the 4K video you put on so you could test your 4K cable, while you talk to yourself in another room. At about 12:15, I decide… fuck this. I need to get some sleep because early day and potentially long day… and I just got into bed. Of course… this behavior suddenly connected for Wife and she came into the bedroom and snuggled a bit. Like, gave me a hug and laid her head on my arm.

Put all of that information, connect it to our historical issues, and then put me in my current position… this could be an issue. Because we have a Wife that complains, criticizes, focuses on the negative, and usually seems disinterested in my presence. Who, occasionally, will behave as though she has some recognition that I exist and then behave like a… I hate to say Child but so often when interacting with me, it seems Wife reverts to a girl of between 10 and 16. Maybe that’s harsh and overly critical; but it is how I presently perceive things.
How that complicates things in some ways is… put me in my present world and all of that seems like a much bigger issue than it has previously. I mean… in Tiny Town… that stuff is simply part of having a friend and someone I could rely on to survive Tiny Town. But now? Now, I’m trying to carve a very adult path for myself. I’m actively seeking clients and working hard on being an Attorney. I’m surrounded by the ambitious, the cut throat, the driven. In short… I’m with adults now. Adult people with adult problems, adult wardrobes, and adult decisions. Then I go home and have… just… this.... child-like relationship with my Wife? Maybe I’m stating it poorly but… yeah. Wife who constantly wants to leave Wal Mart; but doesn’t. Who constantly wants to do more with her life; but doesn’t do anything to start that. Who wishes she were more productive; and then loses the day to hours of television. Who is always bad mouthing her appearance and weight; but doesn’t do anything to change it (and for the millionth time, I am usually trying to walk that thin line between “i love you and think you’re beautiful” and “if you feel so badly, maybe we could run together or something.”) I don’t know. Just from the last 15 months… I’d say our relationship is one where… we’re great for each other when living in hell… but once we escape, we’re… not so good together. We both have the day off together on May 6th so… we’ll see if I can coax any kind of adult situation. AND no… I actually don’t mean sex, though that would be nice if it were on the menu. I mean… it would be nice to take my wife on a date In The City… like the one I once wrote about. Where we can behave like adults… that have interests and appropriately aged clothes and building a life together.

In short, it would be nice to mix my worlds. My “romantic world” is all passionless and awkward and non-interactive and involving far too much sweat pants. Whereas my professional world is all drive and focus and interactive and involving pressed suits, pencil skirts, and high heels. I just… want a romantic world with some focus, interactivity, and maybe a nice outfit or two.