all the little things in 2017

April 17, 2017
10:38am

I’d really like to get some more stuff down about what happened the other day. Thoughts and what not. But I’ve barely had time to take a sip of my coffee this morning. I don’t understand why everyone wants to come at the very last minute and then they all think they’re the only ones that are doing that. I’m using this as a quick break because I need to mentally settle down. Without this my brain is just running at full speed and it’s stressing me out.

Slow down. Deep breath. It’ll all work out, Rose. =)

Despite the little bit of stress that these other humans are causing me, I’m actually in a pretty damn decent mood. Things are going well! It’s about time I reach a place where I’m happy again. Maybe it has something to do with a lot less drama now. Silly boys. hah.

Speaking of boys: I still haven’t heard back from the Sheriff. It was his birthday yesterday. He’d said that they were having some kind of family get-together on Saturday and then again on Sunday for Easter. He was hoping they weren’t going to do anything for his birthday. Apparently he hates celebrating it now. I already knew it was going to be his birthday because I’d had the paperwork, but I needed to see his ID so I used that as an opportunity to bring it up. I said, “hey! your birthday’s coming up!” He made a face and said it’s nothing, he doesn’t like to celebrate it because he’s getting too old. I laughed and said birthdays were great.
At the end when we were talking about the Easter stuff he said that his friend’s girlfriend had actually brought him a cake. I guess the buddy he had visiting out here has a birthday on the 19th and so when the gf came she brought cake for both of them. That was sweet. He made a joke about how he was [late 20s] for about 6 years before he’d finally admit his age. Funny enough he picked the age I’m turning this year. I’m not sure if he did it on purpose to see what I’d say or not. I know he knows my age. He’s got a good memory. He also said something again after about “pushing 40” and I laughed and said it was just a number. Then I said, “ha. Or not. We’ll see how I feel when I get to that age. Remind me I said all this.” I didn’t hear him give any response but I was trying to concentrate on what I was doing at the time.

He was quiet like that a lot. I mentioned in my last entry that he just kinda had this reserved personality type. If it weren’t for the fact that he did occasionally open up about stuff then I’d have no idea he was even interested in having a conversation with me. I really do think it’s the job, or he’s not very trusting, or slow to make connections. Either way, there were times when he did say things that were very personal. Like his parents came up when I was talking about all my travelling [apparently they’re hitting Mt. Rushmore soon and a ton of states like we did] and he said they live about 20 minutes away from him. He housesits while they’re gone for months at a time. But he mentioned that his dad had just been down here with him for a few days hunting and then he said, “that’s the only time we spend together while we’re down here together.” Which seemed like such a personal thing to say to me. I mean, guys and their dads right? That’s always tough. I asked about it too because it seemed so shocking to me. They live so close to each other! We didn’t talk about it for long but yeah I guess they don’t ever see each other unless they’re out here bonding over hunting. Kinda sad really, but I have an amazing relationship with my mom so it’s hard for me to relate. [He made a joke when he was leaving about how I travelled to get away from my mom and I go “yeah, but I travel with her a lot too.” He laughed and said it was nice that I had such a good relationship with her.]

He also told me a story about his grandmother since that’s the property he visits. She’s like 90 years old and lives alone out there but refuses to move. Apparently his grandfather was around here when they were establishing the town. He said he remembered this place when there was nothing out here. Even I remember some of that. And then he started telling me a story about the train depot and how they’d pull up in the small town a few miles over and open the doors and load all the cattle right in. I laughed and said, “oh man, how old are you?!” He gave me a look and then realized what I was saying and told me he was talking about his grandfather. haha. Which I clearly knew, but was teasing him about. He went on to tell me that when his grandfather died they had been together for 65 years and his grandmother had only spent like a week away from him. I was like, “wow! That’s a long time to spend with someone.” He made a comment about how back then there wasn’t any thing to do and I said “you just stuck it out right?” and he agreed. I said that they had to at least like each other though to spend that much time together. And I almost stuck my foot in my mouth because I was going to say “or you find excuses to run away” as a sarcastic reference to him saying earlier that he lasted in the marriage by escaping down here. I think that probably would have taken things too far though so I’m glad that my filter kicked in. Sometimes I’m not fast enough to stop myself!

There were also little stories that made me see that he’s not as straight-laced as he makes it seem. Like he went to a baseball game last year and him and his buddy splurged on tickets/trip and I started asking about it and he goes, “I was way too drunk to remember most of it.” haha! Good to know he can let loose! =) Apparently he was sitting so close to the field that he was on TV a lot and people from where he lives were texting about seeing him. I told him that I wished I’d known because I could have recorded it to use as blackmail. What a wasted opportunity! I need to watch more baseball! He talked about travelling every year to a game so I’ll have to find out which one he hits this year and pay attention! I asked if he was a NY fan as a joke and he got all offended. Then I said I didn’t like SF either and that stung even worse. Who knew he was so into baseball? haha. He tried to figure out who I liked and he guessed the A’s. I said no and then he goes, “don’t tell me you’re a dodgers fan?!” And I was like, “well…to tell you the truth....that is a possibility” and you should have seen the panic in his eyes. haha. I did tell him that I was joking but never told him the real team.

He talked a lot about this property he has out here. About how you could see everything from up on the mountain. He tried to explain to me where it was but I didn’t know what he was talking about. I’ve lived here my whole life but I don’t know street names, just landmarks. And I don’t get out much around here. I leave town and go elsewhere. He did try to describe it several different ways so that was nice but I didn’t catch on. He kept mentioning that he could see the city lights at night. I guess they’re high enough that you can see several cities from up there. The funny thing is that he didn’t even realize how much I’d love to see something like that. Like I’ve been wanting so bad to take my camera out to a nice location around here to get pictures and that sounds like the perfect place! I would so love to see the lights at night! The pictures he showed me had these amazing wildflowers in the background too. sigh It would be a dream come true and he doesn’t even know it!

Plus the whole hunting lessons thing. I mean come on! I’ve been trying to find someone to teach me how to shoot for a long time. He asked if I was a hunter at some point and I told him I’d only gone once. He then asked if I had a license [and I suddenly remembered he was a sheriff and I better be careful what I say. haha!] and then asked if I’d taken the hunter’s education class. Crazy enough I’d looked into this just a matter of months ago but couldn’t find anything nearby. Turns out he teaches the classes. That’s why we had that exchange at the end about the hunting lessons and my telling him I was serious about learning.

Seriously, I threw so many hints out there. Basically everything short of jumping into his truck with him. If that guy didn’t get the hint that I was interested in hanging out, then he’s completely clueless.

Tuesday:

Honestly I’m kinda sad that this guy hasn’t tried to get in touch with me. I mean, what’s the point of saying all that stuff if it doesn’t mean anything? I don’t think I understand people. =\ What’s with everyone and their terrible follow through? If I say I want to hang out with you, or drop major hints about doing things together, then I mean it.

Even that day while he was in here he kept asking me about lunch or bringing up that it was lunch time since it was right around noon. As we were hanging out before he left I asked what was for lunch and he asked what we were having. I guess he remembered that we bring our lunch and don’t go out. I ended up telling him that we didn’t have anything and I was fasting that day anyway. He asked right away if it was for a specific reason or because of Good Friday and I confirmed Good Friday. He told me that he was raised that way but had moved away from it. I made a joke about going rogue. =) But yeah I guess I don’t understand why someone would even bother bringing stuff up like that, but whatever. That’s just the way things go it seems. And it is entirely possible that I read way too much into these remarks people make. ;)

[sidenote: when I mentioned saving 40 dollars was worth it because that would buy dinner, he laughed at me and said he knew I was from a small town. Apparently $40 will get you nowhere out where he lives. He said maybe it would buy you a drink. I started teasing him about liking really fancy stuff and he said that it was really good food so it was worth it. Also it turns out that he loves really spicy salsa, which is my favorite thing! And carnitas and tacos and beer and all my other favorite things. When he’d walked in the door and mom asked about hunting he said they’d gotten some pigs. She brought up tamales and he immediately mentioned carnitas which is my current obsession. Why can we not be friends already!?!]

It’s after 7 now and I did send him an e-mail a bit ago. Y’all know I can’t help myself! I know he probably won’t see it for a while either, but at least it’s there. I did my part. I told him that I hope he knows I’m going to give him an absolutely terrible time next year for ignoring my phone call yet again. I also told him that it wasn’t actually important but it’s the thought that counts and I hope he’s having a good time out in the wilderness.

I’m curious to know if he’s come into town at all though. Like does he just not care enough about missing phone calls or hearing messages? I’m sure I’m not the only one that’s left him a message or tried contacting him. Part of me thought maybe if he did get signal my message would get lost in the shuffle, which is why I sent the email. But I don’t know. I’m getting my hopes up again aren’t I? =| I just really want to see that damn property so I can work on my escape [and use the inspiration to get back into photography]. haha. Oh well.

Moving on....

I’m hoping to get out of here before midnight tonight. We’ll see. It wasn’t as crazy as last days usually are so it doesn’t really feel like the end. It’ll be such a relief tomorrow and probably hit me after I get a few hours of sleep and feel that weight lifting from my shoulders.

Let the fun begin [after I catch up on chores at home! and work 6 hrs tomorrow. ha]

rose.
7:45pm

Last updated April 18, 2017