Sister Series, ep. 3 in Second 1st

So, violent when pregnant. Violent while breast feeding. It wasn’t just violence she was also very forgetful and unorganized so whenever you tried to help she would just start yelling and being violent again. Big pain in the butt. Forever, we will do what we think is best for Joshua so it was a matter of waiting until she was no longer breast feeding. I don’t remember how old Joshua was when she stopped I do remember that mom had tried to get her to wean earlier and she would get so angry “he’s my son, I know when he needs to stop breast feeding”. On a side note here and part of explaining how off she was/is… she would call Joshua “sexy”. It erks me. She still does it. It’s so strange. Who calls a baby “sexy”.... if you do please explain how that word applies to a small child, then seek help.

When she did get back on the meds they had to be adjusted as your body goes through changes when pregnant and all that but in the end her temper was still higher than it had been before Joshua. At this point she was living with mom being home alone with Joshua all day then mom would help her when she got home from work. Then came the first time.... the first time she decided to adjust her own medication. Mom was dating one of her neighbors and Alicen kept saying he hit on her a lot. She could never tell us anything that we deemed as awkward. It would be stuff like He would help her with Joshua and get close enough to her that she thought he wanted to kiss her, when she would show us it didn’t seem that close because the subject of his attention would be in her lap. No one believed her until mom had returned to the house unexpected. She found her boyfriend and Alicen in bed together. Obviously the man was booted from her life and Alicen had to move out. Mom worked to get custody of Joshua and Alicen was placed in a home in Nashville (an hours drive). Rocky and I went up once a week to take her to stores and give her a bit of money, or care package, or anything mom sent. Every time we went it was “why does mom hate me” “I hate it here” and “why can’t I see Joshua”..... At the beginning it was only because of time. Mom was hurt, Alicen’s meds were so very wrong and we had to wait till they could help her get them right.... and we could find a more permanent place for her.

Mom had said that she had no intention of marrying the guy she was dating. Alicen took that as he was free to do whatever. She really did not understand how having sex with a man 30 years senior and dating her mom was a problem because they had so much in common. “We are both the baby in our family and you wouldn’t understand”. “She’s using him I don’t understand why I can’t too.” It was childish and amazingly ridiculous.

Alicen being out of the house Joshua made more effort to speak. No one was doing EVERYTHING for him and he wanted to be understood (as we all do).

Just a few months after Alicen’s departure mom had been taking Joshua to the WIC office to get new vouchers. As they were leaving Joshua hugged a very small child and that small child was becoming blue in the face because of the way and how tight he was hugging it. It was a struggle but mom was eventually able to remove him from the child. There was screaming, kicking and discipline. The lady behind the counter decided it was not discipline but that my mother was actually beating him in public. First off no way my mom would do that. It was bad timing, bad angle.... over active imagination on the part of the Wic office lady that resulted in Joshua becoming a ward of the state for a year.

Lawyers, money, parenting classes, guilt, tears and missing him terribly. That year was hard on us all. Rocky and I were living with my brother and my dad there was no room for a child there. We weren’t ready for a kid, let alone one with mild autism. It was a horrible choice I had to make when I said I could not take Joshua. They found him a home and mom went to see him whenever the courts allowed. During this time my sister got an apartment in Lewisburg (with my help) and was told pretty much that if she took a parenting class she could have him back. I bought her a tablet, showed her how and where to log on to the internet. Bookmarked a site where she could take a class online and get a state approved certificate. Told her I would pay for it..... she refused to take it. “They won’t give him to me anyways”.... she didn’t know that .... she was our hope for a quick return. Mom was a mess for a good while. Questioning herself constantly. Did she beat him? did she beat us? who believed her and who didn’t? How? How long? what does she need to do? How high does she need to jump and when? Whatever needed to be done to get him back. It was a mess. I have no end of resentment towards my sister. A whole year of Joshua’s life with strangers. The anguish my mother went through.

Had Joshua not been yelled at all those early years and treated more fairly I don’t believe he would have been so combative in that WIC office. In fact, he was better in that office on that day than he had been in the past at home. He was doing so much better than he had been.

It was only months in her new apartment before Alicen found a new boyfriend and decided to move in with him. Same apartments. It has been fairly quiet from them. If their is a ton of drama I don’t hear about it. Mom takes Joshua to visit about once every 2 weeks. They have even gone on day trips together, out to lunch and movies, the zoo. Joshua now sees my mom as mom though he does call her gramma .... This past year he had a ton of infections and was able to tell someone things hurt. He had his tonsils taken out, I was there poor guy was so scared. It was cute though because they had a Porche Power Wheels car they had the kids drive to the Pre- op area so he kinda forgot where he was going for a moment.

At Christmas she’s not the one on the floor opening gifts with Joshua… my mom is. She doesn’t act like she wants anything to do with him until someone else gets upset that she’s not spending time with him. Can you blame us? When she’s with any of us it’s all she talks about “Why can’t he live with me?” and there has to be a record on repeat about moms trust and caring enough to take a parenting class.

She says the meds she’s on make her feel like she wants to kill herself. More and more we think it’s for attention. Mom has gone in with her to the doc more than once and she never tells him. Alicen thinks “I’ll fix it myself” and adjusts her own drugs..... then all is downhill.
This time… When mom went up to the mental hospital yesterday to take her cloths she refused to give the 4 digit pass code that would allow mom to be told about her medical care. Childish.... stupid.... a moral obligation… hardly a thing more.