Game Over in Current Events

It has about run its course. I tend to turn my feelings for somebody else into something toxic for everyone. I didn’t let it get that far this time. No obsessive boy disorder. I think my night on the dance floor was all I needed. Somebody had mentioned how I’m pretty hard on myself when I develop feelings for somebody else. He was right. That little revelation helped me manage myself until I got over it. Nobody had to get hurt. Well too hurt anyway. Zach has been looking and feeling a little lost at work. He “found me” on Sunday and we got along like old times. He would ask if he said something wrong whenever I got too quiet for too long. He loses sleep whenever he thinks I’m mad at him. He did want to talk about why he wasn’t allowed to “talk about Conor”. I couldn’t get him to understand why rating peoples looks on a scale and ranking them in order of attractiveness could hurt somebody’s feelings. It’s just a joke he says. I just need to get you to stop even if I can’t get you to understand.

I think this summer I am going to attempt dating. Grindr is an awful venue to meet men. So is the club. A friend of mine asked me to read an article she found about gay loneliness. She feels I would relate to it because nobody seems to feel the way I do about gay culture. The article helps explain why there is so much sex and drugs in the gay community. I’m curious because I read the comments and naturally everybody was offended. In my mind if something deeply offends me I assume that there might be some truth to it because if I’m feeling secure about something why would I need to feel threatened?