1.) The one political vendetta I’d WANT Fake President to pursue is disappearing Billy Fuccillo for using that moronic “YUUUUGE!” schtick first.
2.) Things get slow in Canadian winter. “Here’s a prank” said Jacques “let’s pour gross gravy all over these cheese fries & pretend we LIKE it!”
3.) Way I see it, if your lower back doesn’t lock up like Fort Knox until the middle of the second layover, gotta chalk that up to a win.
4.) Whenever someone typos “gym” as “gyn” I assume they mean gynecologist because never assuming “gym” is a tenant of my life.
5.) If you’re a happy couple we are happy for you but please understand that your happy couple pictures on facebook only make us more depressed.
6.) I hope when Run The Jewels has a comeback tour in 20 years, the name is changed to Ran The Jewels.
7.) How have I not written a parody of ELO’s “Don’t Bring Me Down” about Batman? This is almost at the level of a moral failing.
8.) Literally any product could be marketed under the name “I Can Believe This Is Not Butter”. Even butter, if it is of a low enough quality.
9.) At The Last Supper, Jesus turns to Peter and says “I’m thinking of backpacking around Europe, you know, really finding Myself.”
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