Today I remembered the time he called me at 4 am and we talked for four hours straight. He was just getting home from some after party club thing and I was just getting home from running around the hill (as usual). I'd seen him earlier that night but he was headed to Beltown and I never leave cap hill so.. yeah. Anyway, he started the conversation asking me a question about Almost Famous, which is so typical him, just call at 4 am and casually start a conversation about some movie. I know he just wanted me to know he watched it and for me to be impressed because it's my favorite movie. And I reveled in the fact that he watched it probably only for the reason to get inside my head a little bit more, to see what I'm all about. I know I'm still a mystery to him. I adore him for the way he pursued me in that way. I remember laying in bed with the phone balanced on the side of my face, no hands style, riding phone lines to meet his voice which always and forever gets me every damn time. It's sounds the way the combination of honey and ginger would taste. Incomparable to any other sound on this earth and it melted over me in waves of sheer pleasure, joy, happiness and all things that make your hair stand up and.. as he was telling me he had braces for two years, didn't have sex until 17, tried to give himself head in middle school, and that he used to walk by my old building on purpose when I was away, I couldn't stop smiling the whole damn time.
This lead me to think of the last time we spoke on the phone a few weeks ago when I told him it was over. He called the first time. Upset, wondering why I just stopped talking to him. Saying he was reading over my messages and just didn't get what went wrong. Said he'd been waiting to hear from me for a month. He wanted to come over. I said no. I explained the best I could but I didn't know what to say. He said okay he gets it, he knows what's going on. He was waiting for it and bracing himself for me to eventually walk away and he got that that was what was going on. All I could muster up was, "look, Tys, I wish things were different. I REALLY wish you were single and you could just come over here and be with me.. but I just can't do this anymore.. I miss you, though. I really do." and he said in the most heartbreaking and genuine voice I'ver ever heard, "I miss you too."
And we hung up. I laid there, still, for a few minutes in silence. Thinking this is it. He called, it's over, finally. Wanting him with every inch of my being but knowing this is what I have to do. I ached and melted over the sound of his voice ringing in my ear when he said "God, you sound so cute right now, you have no idea how good it is to even hear your voice." I started to cry when my phone rang again. It was him, he had just gotten home and said, "do you want to talk?"
Loading comments...