So we’re married in the temple now. It’s not a huge change to anything since we were already married, but it felt good to have a church wedding and be sealed. The process includes us getting our endowments and now we both wear the church garments, which is the thing that people often refer to as ‘magic underwear.’
It’s not sexy underwear, which is hardly a problem for me considering I almost never wore sexy underwear in the first place. It doesn’t go well with wearing a diaper. Some people in the church warned that it was difficult to get used to, but Jayson and I have adapted just fine.
I’ll probably write more about this in my religion book, but it does feel like we’ve sort of climbed up the ranks at church since we’re now sealed and endowed. I think all members of the church should be equal, but I’m not so sure it really works like that.
I’ve been trying to really work on weight loss, but I haven’t been all that successful with it. My urologist really believes I’ll be able to have more bladder control if I can get my weight closer to a healthy 140, but I stay stagnant at about 200.
As a this person for just about all my life, I spent some time feeling very uncomfortable with suddenly being fat. But that seems to have changed lately. I’ve grown to accept the 200 pound version of myself, and maybe that’s part of why I’ve been having trouble getting thinner.
Jayson commented a couple weeks ago that I am “natural” and I presumed he was referring to the fact that I don’t shave any of my body hair. He agreed that’s what he meant, but he also added that I had a natural body shape with fuller hips and a little bit of a belly. I wanted to cry. But he assured me he meant it as a compliment.
When he met me, I was thin and cute and feminine. Now I am fat and hairy and I wear diapers. I feel like I’m probably a disappointment to him but he always says he loves me the way I am. I have told him that I’ll work on weight loss and I’d gladly stop wearing diapers should that ever become a real possibility, but I’m not going to shave ever again.
We’re going on a proper honeymoon in May. Rachel insisted on paying for it, and I feel a little guilty about that because it isn’t cheap.
Speaking of Rachel, she and Guy have apparently fixed things. She not only seems to have accepted that he isn’t working (and doesn’t need to work), she just bought him a Mercedes. I’m super jealous of the kind of money they have, but I get annoyed sometimes with how Rachel flaunts it.
We got into such an argument a few years ago about the fact that I was buying my bras at Target. I’ll always remember how much she degraded me for not spending more for better underwear. No matter how much I love her I think I’ll always hold a grudge inside because of that fight.
I give her credit for a big thing though. I asked her a while back about how she felt about all the controversy regarding transgender people and restrooms, and she said she didn’t see why it was a big deal who used which room to pee or poop. But then she added, “I don’t think of myself as a transgender woman. I’m just a woman.”
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