Again... in Deeper Bits (Emotional and such)

A friend of mine moved back to the area from Idaho, and got in touch with me today. She came by the store, and I walked over when she got out of her car. Her first order of business was to give me this big, tight hug, like she'd not seen me in a decade, and never wanted to let go. (I happen to like hugs like that.) We talked a while, and in the process she told me that she's engaged. While I was showing absolute joy for her, in my head... well... the expletives were flying about my current situation. I am happy for her, truly, but it's tantamount to a punch in the stomach now a days. I went back into the store, and she went and did some nosing around, and again, I plastered on my happy face. I'm getting too good at that. She stopped by one more time on her way out and gave me another big hug. I just went back to being the cashier. Once I clocked out, I went and talked to the appliance girl because I'm looking into all new appliances, as mine are all getting a bit worn, and I know they're not going to hold up for too horribly long, as the dishwasher proved the other night. That's another aggravation that I don't want to get into. S wants me to go with her to talk to the mortgage broker that I used to by my house on Friday. She's not left anything of C's here this time, so I'm trying to figure out a nice way to blow her off without being a total prick, and without lying to her. I swear, right now, I just want to crawl into a hole and tell the cat to do his business and cover me up. I did break down and tell one of the other cashiers I'm somewhat friends with that it's in fact been since June of 2012 that I've had any contact beyond a hug. And no, it's nothing to do with sex. There are sometimes that I want nothing more to have someone next to me on the couch as more than a friend, or to have someone hold my hand or kiss my cheek, things that aren't semi-obligatory friendly affection. Something that actually means something from someone who actually cares about me as more than just a friend. "Oh you're such a good friend". Fuck sake, next time I hear that, I'm probably going to slug someone. Oh, and joy of joys, I think my horrible cunt of an ex is stalking me. She doesn't know one of my cars, and the other one is on loan to the neighbors while their car is in to the mechanic, and I seen a truck, just like hers, with a female driver, slow down and give it a good hard look. I was sitting in the garage letting dog run around when this happened and the garage door was only half way open, so I was in shadow with the outside lights being on. All the more reason to remember to put my pistol on my belt when I get home from work. Given her history of stabbing her mom with a ball-point pen, arson (she burned down an abandoned garage), and drunk driving (she claims she didn't know her friend put vodka in her drink), I consider her coming onto my property a threat automatically. I should have told her to stuff it as soon as I got out of that damn apartment and never let her see this place. All the more reason to get it ready to lease and move. I swear, I'm so ready to just say screw it and check out, but I know there's too much over my head to do that.