My period is late. By like a week. I took a test in work today, which was negative as expected.
What I didn’t expect was how I would feel about it. I’ve been regular as clockwork since I had my implant removed. So to be late, although being pregnant was highly unlikely, I was definitely a little disappointed when it came back negative.
I suppose it’s the first time in 6/7 months that I’ve even felt like it might be a possibility, and now to know it’s not, I dunno, I guess I’m back to feeling like it might not happen for us and definitely not easily.
I didn’t realise how much I wanted this. I mean I know how much I want this but today, the disappointment, I REALLY want this. I guess if I’m not pregnant it’s normal to be a bit emotional, I must be due my period soon. I wonder if it’s almost strange that it’s taken me this long to have a moment. The first few weeks aside, I haven’t been mental about the ovulation sticks, or the tracking. Obviously I’ve been keeping an eye to it and things, that’s only sensible, and if anything I’ve found it reassuring that I’ve had positive ovulation tests and things.
I would just really really rather not have to go through ivf. Obviously it’s a means to an end and in that sense I’ll gladly do it, but it would be nice to experience the joy of a pregnancy that just happened, without a ton of medical intervention and an anxious wait and all that.
I think I’m rambling, I’m tired but needed to get this off my chest. I don’t even think it makes any sense, I’m sure it’ll be on my mind for a while and there will be more to come.
Xx
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