(Diary update from last night) IF there was one thing I had forgotten was the feeling of loneliness. It just hasn’t come up in a while but I got hit with a missive dose of it tonight, I went out on the balcony, started listening to music, curled up and started crying, and the whole time I had just wished someone was there to hug me from behind and say it’s okay, you’re not alone.
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day 5 or so of going cold turkey (Against my will) from Seroquel XR, on day 1 since they wouldn’t or couldn’t refill my medicine I went from taking 900 mg of seroquel a day to 0. I am having withdrawal symptoms, which include a resurgence in my insomnia, hold and cold sweats, extensive sweating, vomiting. I believe it also lead to last nights breakdown outside on the balcony. I don’t know what to do. ¯_(シ)_/¯
On a good note I started talking with my Australian friend again last night, we used to play a game together called Payday 2, he started playing on computer and I got to talk to him less and less, we started talking again and he ended up buying me payday 2 for my computer so we could play it online, the time difference is kinda an issue but it’s really been so long since I had a friend like him that I would sacrifice anything for, my insomnia sure wasn’t going to let me sleep anyway. I stayed up with him on Skype all the way from 11pm - 6:30 AM my time or 2PM - like 8 or 9PM his time. I can honestly say that he is one of the nicest people I have ever met, I am so glad we are friends, I am proud to say I finally have a good friend that hasn’t hurt me at all at some point in my life. I started chating with him last night to ease my loneliness and ended up staying up all night playing with him. I honestly think he is an angel sent by god to ease my troubled, tortured soul, All the time I known him he has been really nice and understanding. He’s like a soul companion, he told me about all his school assignments and about his job and I told him pretty much all I have been going through. I don’t get it, I am so happy about this because he understands what I go through without ever having gone through any pain like me, he cares and is nice to me, it is the weekend still so tonight I again will stay up and play with him, he is one of the only positive things in my life to be honest. After I got up today after like 3 hours of sleep I remembered to thank god that he sent someone to help me in my time of need, honestly I started crying writing this.
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