BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR in THOUGHTS

I AM FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO BE ALONE. SO OFTEN WHEN MY HUBBY WAS AROUND I WISHED THAT I COULD BE ALONE TO DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT. I AM NOT FINDING IT AS MUCH FUN AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. I THINK PART OF THE REASON IS THAT MY FEET ALWAYS BOTHER ME. I HAVE NEUROPATHY. THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN BE DONE.
I AM ALSO FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO SETTLE MY HUBBY’S ESTATE. THE BASTARD LEFT A COMPANY TO THE CHILDREN AND MYSELF. I CAN’T TOUCH THE CAPITAL. I CAN ONLY USE THE DIVIDENDS. I DON’T KNOW WHY HE HAD TO DO IT. HE WAS SO WORRIED I WOULDN’T LEAVE THEM ANY MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM BUSY WITH AN ACCOUNTANT AND A LAWYER..........................................NO ONE LEFT US ANY MONEY.
THE BANK WANTED TO CHARGE ME A LARGE AMOUNT TO SETTLE THE ESTATE. I PLAN TO DO IT MYSELF IF AT ALL POSSIBLE.
I AM GOING TO FLORIDA NOVEMBER 28. I HOPE IT WILL BE BETTER THERE. IF NOT I WILL JUST COME BACK HOME. I AM THINKING OF MOVING INTO A SENIOR RESIDENCE WHERE I WILL HAVE COMPANY AND PEOPLE TO LOOK AFTER ME. THIS CONDO IS VERY BIG. I AM SLOWLY REARRANGING THINGS AND ON TUESDAY WHEN MY CLEANING LADY COMES I WILL GET RID OF SOME OF MY HUBBYS’ STUFF. TIME TO TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP. I’M SUPPOSE TO USE A PAP MACHINE. I JUST CAN’T GET USE TO IT.
ANYHOW I WENT TO BED BUT DIDN’T FALL ASLEEP SO HERE I AM AGAIN.
I’M REALLY SURPRISED AT MY REACTION TO MY HUBBY’S DEATH. I ALWAYS WNATED TO LIVE ALONE. MAYBE THINGS WILL CHANGE. MAYBE ALL I NEED IS TIME.
I THOUGHT I WOULD DRIVE TO FLORIDA BUT REALIZED THAT IT WOULD BE TOO HARD FOR ME. BESIDES MY FEET BOTHERING ME I KEEP HAVING DIARHEA. THE DOCTOR TOLD ME TO TRY METAMUCIL. I HAVEN’T YET BUT I WILL. I JUST DON’T WANT TO TAKE TOO MUCH SO I GET CONSTIPATED. OY THESE GOLDEN YEARS ARE NOT SO GOLDEN!