So basically I told joey that I think he has a problem with alcohol, and it didn’t go down well. Obviously, how many people who have problems but don’t care to admit or address it thank someone for bringing it up?
We’re basically still in talks. I’ve tried to explain how his drinking makes me feel generally, and with regards to the whole baby situation. And he says he understands, but you know when someone is just saying something to shut you up?
He promised that there would be no more drinking in the week, and with moderation at weekends. Then on Monday chimes up with its been a year since my friend died today, will you have a drink with me to toast him? I declined, and explained that it’s nothing to do with Dan and the anniversary, but we’ve talked a lot of times about how there’s always an excuse or reason to drink and here it was. I felt like a shit saying it, I mean it’s the anniversary of his friend’s death, but still, I do genuinely feel like it’s just another excuse.
Then last night some of them from work went for a pint’ for Dan’. He’s been pretty cagey when I asked about it, just said that only a few of them went, and that was it. Came in and asked me if I wanted to share a can of beer and make it into a shandy. Again I declined.
He also came home with flowers - I’ve been sanding the bedroom floor, so it was a thank you for that. And...... a bottle of wine. I genuinely think he doesn’t listen to a word I’m saying.
Or maybe i don’t explain myself clearly, I don’t know. I just don’t think he gets how important this whole not drinking thing is to me, what it symbolises. It’s his commitment to starting a family, it’s him honouring what he told me on what, our third date? That he would do anything it takes to have a baby. It’s him proving that he’s ready now, that he can be reliable and honest and trustworthy, and prioritise me over drinking.
Because he doesn’t see his alcohol use as a problem, he doesn’t realise what it’s doing to me and our relationship. I don’t always feel like I can depend on him. I feel like he’s clock watching for an appropriate time to have a drink. I feel like as soon as the beers come out he switches off from our relationship. It’s a choice, with the first ring pull of the first can, and it’s not me that he’s choosing.
I just don’t think he knows how to drink in moderation. He can’t just sit and have one glass of wine. Even more so, he finds it incredibly difficult to just sit and watch TV and have a cuppa like normal people do. He doesn’t realise that he has a pattern of behaviour but he does. If he’s not drinking he wants to go to bed as soon as he’s had tea, it’s almost like he doesn’t know what to do with himself without a can in his hand. He rubbishes this idea when I broach it with him, but it happens every time he doesn’t drink, and he doesn’t even recognise it.
I have nights this week and next, I’m already worrying about what state he’ll be getting himself into while I’m not here. Then on the other hand I think he’s 33, he’s a grown man, he knows what’s at stake here, he stands to lose his whole relationship over this. He says he knows he has a lot to prove to me, but so far it just feels like he’s going out of his way to find excuses to drink.
I haven’t even passed comment. He’s asked me to give him a chance so I will, and I’ll keep my mouth shut, because he’s an adult and he’s going to make his choices regardless of what I have to say about it. No amount of nagging will make him choose not to drink. He knows how I feel about it, he knows I’m not going to wait forever for him to sort himself out, the rest is up to him.
So now, we wait.
Xx
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