Wednesday March 30th, 2016 at 2:40PM
This is actually the first time in a while that I wrote the entry on this site because usually I wrote it on another diary and copied it over. I would love this page a lot more if it would allow us to post images and videos in our entries because I just have to link a video which is usually a song. I love songs that I can emotionally connect like what I mean is I can use it to describe how I feel.
Today is Mother’s birthday, sister 2 took her out to eat at a local Chinese place and they both gave me their leftovers which was alright because there was plenty there, I ate one of the cartons for lunch and will eat the other for supper. I have noticed that my appetite has really gone down and I can usually go a whole day without eating, I am trying to shrink my stomach so that when I do eat I get full faster and wouldn’t have to eat as much. Like I could eat those two full cartons of Chinese food but now I got full after eating one which made me happy. By the way the best Gatorade is the fruit punch + Berry, oh man is that good. I’m not sure if it’s my new anxiety med that is making me numb because today I started feeling like I was depressed but now I cannot even feel my heart, I am emotionally numb sort of, I can still get very very angry but that’s it. I did several things I’m not suppose to and a little bit of Alchemy and now I feel perfectly fine.
A saying I found truly makes sense to me “some people get lost for so long they forget what it was like to be themselves.” Because honestly I cannot even remember my thought process and emotions and how I felt before the start of 2015 (in Jan I sought out professional help, medications and therapy). I really don’t have an identity other then being very angry and emotionally unstable. I have plenty of physical scars but I have more then anyone could ever see because the majority are inside my head. I am a simple person with a complicated mind.
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