Yes, I am totally beside myself. I do not know which way is up right now.
Let me give a run down here.
My day begins with making sure my teenage girls (16 and 13) get up, shower and get off to school. I do the things that I need to do around the house and head to work (I work with 4th and 5th grade students afterschool). I get home, make dinner, start the girls in the shower and wash the girls clothes. Then it's time for bed..... That is my day. Everyday!!
My house is in total disarray.. I don't even recognize this place. I certainly do not want to come home.
The girls room is bare. They have an alarm clock. That is ALL. It was a progression to get to this point. Taking the things that they didn't care about. But one day, two months ago, I went into their room and there honestly wasn't much left. BUT what was left was a mess. The smell from their room was a constant battle. At first we thought "Shoes". So we removed their shoes from their room, put them in the garage. But the smell lingered. So we thought "dirty clothes". Out to the garage with those too. STILL... nasty sickening smell. I cleaned out their room... The things I found were possible causes of the smell... Dirty, wet clothes, balled up and in the corner of their closet, used sanitary napkins left in underwear (which was left in bloody pants ) balled up and hidden, food rotting under beds and in dresser drawers, nasty smelly clothes mixed in dresser drawers with "clean" clothes, drinks (milk specifically) left in cups; hidden under beds, in corners, in the closet, in the TOP of the closet...
Let me stop here for a minute.. We have "rules" in this house. These rules are determined by the actions of the people in this house. The girls are NOT allowed to take food from the kitchen/dining area. They also must ASK for food that has not been specifically said is for them. For instance, there is a cabinet in the pantry that I have set aside such things as Ramen, cereal, crackers, snacks, specifically so they have access to something if they want it without having to ask. We even have a refrigerator in the garage (It used to be used for sodas and drinks for the entire house, however lately it has been a place for their food they are ALLOWED to get). I buy two gallons of milk (one for their fridge and one for mine). This became necessary as I had to put a lock on my cabinets in the kitchen and refrigerator in my kitchen to keep them from eating food that I had asked them to stay out of because it was what we were having for dinner that night. The not eating anywhere except the kitchen/dining area has been a rule since they were toddlers. They constantly SNEAK food into the living room or their room or bathroom (yuck) and neglect to clean up any spills or mess they make. PLUS they leave food behind and cups filled with whatever they are drinking to sour, spill or just stink. So they have NEVER been allowed food in any part of the house other than the kitchen/dining area. BUT STILL.. I find plates stashed behind the couch, spills in the living room not cleaned up and food/drinks in their room.
So, back to the progression of the empty room.
My husband and I cleaned up the girls room, removed ALL of the clothes, washed them and oversaw the folding and putting away of said CLEAN clothes. We got a deep carpet cleaner and cleaned their bedroom carpet TWICE. We even enlisted their help and had them WASH the walls in their room. The smell still lingered. It wasn't until about Thanksgiving that we finally figured out why their room stank so badly. My sister had the girls over for a day. We were cleaning the girls room as we were having Thanksgiving here and were trying to battle the smell so our guests would not smell it. FOR ONCE, we beat the smell. The girls spent the night a my sisters and in the morning we checked the room and NO SMELL. We cleaned up the rest of the house and was ready for our guests the next day. The girls got home from my sisters and within an hour the smell was back!!!! The smell (well, what was left) was coming from my children. That began the task of getting the girls themselves clean. Which ended up being a losing battle unless I wanted to physically WASH my teenage girls from head to toe and then micromanage their clothing and every minute of their day.
Which is where I am today.
The girls have very little access to most of the house and no access to some of the house. My bedroom is locked, my office is locked, the refrigerator and cabinets in the kitchen are locked. They have no access to any clothing except what I give them to wear every day. I have been washing their clothing every night and for two weeks now they have worn the same clothes every day. They are clean. But the same shirt, same pants, same underwear, bra, and socks.... EVERYDAY. They take two showers a day. One in the evening to get dressed into their night clothes so that I can wash their clothes for school, and one in the morning to get dressed and ready to go to school. We bought them new shoes because the ones they had were so nasty that there was no way to save them.
When I finally came to this decision (the empty room, the fact that I would have to treat my teenagers like they were two) I gathered all of their clothes together. I washed what they had on that day so they had something to wear. Rather than going through all of their clothes, I figured that they already had on one complete set of clothing and that would make it easier for me. Boy was I WRONG. The youngest was wearing no underwear at all, the oldest's underwear were so nasty that they barely moved. After going through all of their dirty clothes I realized that that one nasty pair of underwear that my 16 year old was wearing was the only pair of underwear that they had combined. Don't ask me where they went... I have no clue. And their answer to it is "I don't know".
So, here we are. Bare room.. not even a bed. I have them sleeping on their floor with a pillow and a blanket each. AND THEY LIKE IT. The 13 year old says the floor is more comfortable than her bed. She doesn't even want her bed back. Neither of them seems affected at all by wearing the same clothes every day. They don't seem to WANT anything. AND the very little that they have left (Pillow, blanket, toothbrush, deodorant, towel, washcloth, toothpaste) they don't seem to care about those either. I mean... SERIOUSLY that's all they have and they refuse to hang up the towel, wring out their washcloth, put the lid on their deodorant. That's ALL THEY HAVE TO DO. I wash and issue their clothes to them.
I'm at a loss.
I try to be happy with the fact that the smell is gone. That my children are in clean clothes and are clean themselves. But why don't they want any better than that? It's like they have no wants, no desires, no dreams, no drive, no respect (for themselves or others). I don't understand it.
I am not fully convinced that a psychologist is going to be able to do anything either. But I am trying to make that first appointment. Been trying al week and no answer when I call, and no call back when I leave a message (I have left a message every day since Tuesday). Today, while doing what I need to get done, I will stop in the psychologist office and see if they are in.
Something has got to give... I can't take much more of this and keep my sanity.
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