5:00 PM
So as it turns out this is for real this time, Mother and Step father are getting divorced and it is a peaceful split thank goodness. Mother is in Lincoln for her surgery and will be there till sometime tomorrow night. I went to my therapist today and had a nice long talk, I left feeling pretty good but it seems that my moods are shifting again as in cycling and pretty fast twice or more in a day from depression to feeling good to back etc. I asked her if she ever asked any of her patients that if they had the option to dump their mental illness and or depression on someone else, if they would do it, and I asked her if she would do that if she was in my situation and she said maybe but she hadn’t ever asked any of her patients that and I said that I think about it often but every time I say that I wouldn’t and that I would even take the pain away from someone else so they don’t have to feel emotional pain because I would rather suffer then let someone else suffer in the way that I am. She told me that I must have a glimmer of hope in me that things could get better but I just think it is a noble and honorable thing to do.
I also talked about how alone I feel, not that I want a group of people to talk to or be around but alone as in I don’t have that one friend that everybody truly needs, the one that stands up for you and for example if a group of friends exclude you for any reason they would say “well if you cannot find room for (me) that they wouldn’t play/do anything with them until they do.” I have never really had that friend or if I did it was long ago. I can usually handle it but sometimes it gets pretty bad. I headed to the post office, stopped at subway and headed back home, thats the gist of it.
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