1:30 PM 02/15/16
Lately I have just been feeling emotionally and physically exhausted and last night for once I went to bed early, of course I got some anime time in though before I fell asleep. I have started watching Fate/stay night and I have really been enjoying it, I am trying to get myself into Anime and it seems that the anime’s I have pushed to the back are the ones I tend to enjoy the most, Fate/stay night and Death Note as well as Code Geass etc. Divorce is still going to happen and that guy is outta here later this month, Mother said we are going to move out of town sometime this year to a much smaller town where it is cheaper to live. I will enjoy it because it means I can photograph more nature and get some good shots in. I cannot wait to get out of this city.
I am feeling somewhat better today then I have been the past few days but I can still feel my depression trying to take hold. I spent the last few hours playing an online tank game called Armored Warfare and I finally got my T-64 Main battle tank, I really really love Soviet Designed tanks in real life and in the game so of course I am going to be working down the line, the next tank I unlock is none other then my top favorite tank of all the T-72 MBT. My computer is making a small cluncky rattling noise but I don’t have any money so I cannot get it fixed. I decided to dust it out last night and that seemed to help it but that is all I can do for I fear I would damage my computer.
I don’t know what it is but it seems that no matter how much sleep I get, I feel utter exhausted, more mentally but some physically as well. Last week or so, it wasn’t that long ago that I had several days like this and the last night where I felt the worst of my exhaustion I slept really good and woke up feeling better but I don’t understand why it is doing it again. Coffee doesn’t help me much. Oh, I did get my history book I ordered - it came from the goodwill up in Seattle Washington and it is titled “The History of The Medieval World - From the Conversion of Constantine to the First Crusade” and it is over 700 pages of pure history. I think that is all for now, but I will post one/several of my most recent dreams that I recorded down in my journal so enjoy!
I took dream leaf again, the alternative method really seems to work for me. Take a red pill the previous night and then the next night (which was last night) take the blue pill right before bed and then dream. I had a series of dreams, some of them repeated but there was something a little different each time so here we go.
1st dream: I hanged out with a childhood friend named Jet and another friend (who I knew in the dream world but not in the real world) we were kid of offroading with a jeep somewhere out in the boonies and it lasting long enough for day to turn to night, around night time I pulled out my phone and explained I wanted to record what we were doing and we came across this large mountain, it was sitll in the distance but it turns out to be a Volcano and it erupted and large amounts of black smoke and very hot stones poured out of it and they kept we kept driving toward it and a very hot rock landed on my stomach and it burned and I said to turn around and we did. We had to do something and take a drug test later the next day but we decided to get really really high anyway (weed people calm down) and so we went for the drug test still very high and there were a lot of people who had to do it but this test was different then normal drug tests we had to sit at a desk and spit into a test tube but not only that we had to put a manikin arm in the tube and it would change colors depending on if we were high or not and also it would inscribe in the arm our names and birthdays. For some reason it enscribed the wrong birthday (my real birthday is Jan 16th 1996, but it said Jan 16th 1949) and trust me, in my dream I was still my young self. The guy next to me was for some reason FaZe Apex and we talked a little bit and my arm started to change colors very fast and it was like neon weird colors and Apex said “this guy is still really high wtf” and it got to a point where everyone was trying to take the test tube away because I was sitting there staring at the changing colors for a long time, I said hold on and I put it down and my dream ended.
I had two lucid dreams but neither of them lasted very long, for some reason I would realize I am dreaming but before I could change anything I would wake up in a different dream and the thing that makes it even more weird is I was thinking about lucid dreaming WHILE I WAS DREAMING and I didn’t recognize that I was dreaming in most of my dreams.
1st dream repeat: This one was about going offroading again in the open jeep but instead of my childhood friend it was one of my current best friends (lets call him Alex) and the other dude was the same, I didn’t know his name but somehow we were friends. We had to run down this large hill to get to the jeep and it turned into a race so what I did was I jumped off part of the cliff instead and I had that suit that can make a person glide down, it had like flying squirl arms and legs and I flew over Alex and I was like “I am winning!” Both of my friends said I was nuts but I pulled the parachute last minute and landed perfectly next to the Jeep. I got in the passenger and Alex got in the back we drove around a lot and as day turned into night I started recording on my phone again, this time there was no Volcano but we got into a clearing in a wooded area and we stopped, at this point I realized I was dreaming and I just said “You know, you guys are my best friends.” I didn’t get a response because when I turned around they were gone and I was alone by myself and Darkness started to envelope my world and my dream ended. I think the part of me that is so very alone started to kick in once I realized I was dreaming and it took away my friends and said “you don’t deserve to be happy, you don’t deserve to be with friends.”
2nd dream, it was very short, I woke up and I was a kid sitting in a bus with other kids and we were going on a field trip, I talked about my dreams but every other kid was mean and was a bully to me. I didn’t let it bother me and I just woke up in a different dream. which was another repeat of dream 1.
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