1:15 PM
This whole month has been pretty bad for me mentally. For about 2 years or so I have been on welbrutin and that hasn’t worked and I haven’t talked to my new meds guy about it yet so tomorrow when the clinic is open I will make an appointment, my goal is to get on a different anti depressant. I talked to a lady yesterday who is going through some similar issues I am and she said how bad the place I am currently going to is and on and on which I agree it is pretty bad but it is all we can afford. The guy I see is not a psychiatrist or a doctor he is actually a nurse which bothers me because technically he shouldn’t be the one evaluating me and giving me medications.
So as you can tell I am in a pretty low mood state right now, lack of interest in everything today is hitting me and I can’t find anything to do to pass the time, the pool was closed when I went there because it to cold yet to open it. I have 2 loads of laundry to do which are being done, first up is the towels which are in the dryer and next is my mother’s and my clothes which are in the washer right now. Another thing to note is that I am getting paranoid at nights now and I have to sleep with a light on, usually the light of the TV and another thing is… I think about death a lot and I think about the possibility of my next life would be (I believe in reincarnation). I don’t intend to kill myself though I’m just stating what I am dealing with.
My mother is also feeling depressed for a number of issues some of the ones I can think of are, a nurse she is real good friends with lost her job because the people there didn’t like her and my mom gave a fantastic review of the nurse but they still fired her anyway and she saved my moms life one time because she couldn’t breathe. Another thing is one of her friends has brain cancer and while she was telling me about her I noticed how sad she was with the words she used and the way she said it, she said “They released her from the hospital, there is nothing they can do and she is going home to die.” My step father is being an ass as usual and while my mom was up there he was ignoring her and the group there that was talking so she just left.
When I get paid I think what I am going to do is get new clothes and a pair of shoes because I need them badly, get my oil changed, pay bills etc the normal stuff. Oh and I plan on going to the dentist and the eye doctor as well, my eye sight is kind of bad and I might need new lenses and I think its about time to go to the dentist, I don’t ever want to end up with dentures even though I don’t take care of my teeth very well I brush once a day but at least that is something.
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