My Mom blew up this morning because she wanted me to see her new car. It’s very nice and I’m happy for her but was annoyed that she woke me up and came over. They were hinting around about gas money and that pissed me off. Again, they don’t understand I haven’t worked in 2 weeks so I have limited funds. I guess my Dad has already burned a shit ton of her gas out just today and it’s okay, well that’s your problem for allowing him to do that!
I have to leave here in about an hour an a half. I talked to my one friend and she wants me to call her as soon as I get done and tell her all about it. She’s excited for me and that makes me feel even better. I’m hoping that she will eventually quit from that hell hole too but I don’t know if she will. I can tell that she’s sick of it but she makes alright money so we’ll see. She said something about me coming over tonight so I might do that because I don’t work until 4pm all week.
Matt (the cute one) was texting me last night and it ended with me telling him to go to hell. I know that he’s super attracted to me and what not but he just wants a hook up and I’m just not into it, mainly because I’m on my period and I’m not going to have sex with someone the first time while I’m bleeding down there. I didn’t mind before when I was in relationships and was made to feel comfortable but now, I just can’t do it with someone for the first time and be okay with it. I honestly hope he just leaves me alone because I’m sick of him bugging me. We have already agreed that we aren’t on the same page so hopefully he’ll find someone else to bang it down with and leave me alone.
I have showered and just getting ready for my day. I’m hoping the time goes super quick (since I won’t make tips) and everyone is really laid back and fun to work with. I’m happy that I don’t have anyone hating me so I won’t be uncomfortable that way and I’m just excited to start this new journey. I will just be a lot happier once I’m there and know what I’m doing.
It sucks that I’ll have to wear a hat again but at least it’s not 100 degrees in there so it shouldn’t bother me too much. I’m happy that I don’t have to take out my piercings and I’m hoping I’ll be able to wear fake nails again. I haven’t had them in about 2 weeks now and it’s driving me crazy. The only good thing about it is that I can wear whatever lip ring I want because when I have nails, I can only wear the big, screw on ones.
Ugh, I just wish it was time to go because I’m ready to get it over with and I’m bored as fuck. It’s been super nice having time to myself but I’m ready to get back to the grind. I’m also ready to learn the ropes and see what kind of place this is and how many ways it’s different and better than the last place. I hate being the new person but it’s better than before when I was making shit and had to do more than my share every fucking day.
I’m really annoyed that the guys here are just fucking scum bags. The other Matt texted me this morning after blowing me off last night after making plans so I text back and said, “don’t you take a hint” and then he left it alone. I posted a new CL ad and he responded to it!! He also said this time that he’s 43 and the last time he said he was 42 so now I’m wondering how old he really is. I’m still irritated how he couldn’t keep his fucking hands off me the other night no matter how many times I pulled away and made it more than clear he’s just trying to get his dick wet. He also wanted to make out and I fucking HATE making out and on top of that, his breath was absolutely disgusting! I was so thankful I had gum in my mouth because that was my excuse not to but he still kept trying. It’s just crazy how you can pull away from someone like 6 times and they still don’t get a hint! When we were at the lake, he was standing behind me grabbing my ass and I still wonder if he thought I was going to let him bend me over right there or something! I don’t know, the guy was just super weird, too touchy, and obviously couldn’t take a hint!
I know I’m not going to find what I’m looking for (at least not here) so that’s why I just want to find people to hang out with and I can’t even make that happen because they have hidden agendas! It’s sad that you can’t just hang out with someone, feel comfortable and let it go from there because they only have one thing on their minds! They just don’t get how much of a turn off that is and if they didn’t try so hard, they would have a much better chance of actually getting it! I’m just annoyed that I can’t just hang out with someone and enjoy their company without them wanting more from it!
It’s just not my thing because that’s how diseases happen and unplanned pregnancies and I’m just not ready to be a single Mom yet. I’m not on birth control and don’t want to be put in a shitty situation all because men just don’t give a fuck! I won’t let myself go down the road of having sex with no feeling or emotion behind it, especially just to make someone else happy! If I want to than that’s on me but if I don’t, I’m not going to do it just because I know that’s what they want. Sex doesn’t make someone stay and that’s fine but I’m not going to be a fucking whore just to please someone either.
Thank God it’s getting closer for me to leave because I’m going crazy just sitting here. I’m just so happy I never have to go back to that shit hole where I was never going to get a raise, deal with people who didn’t do anything and have to worry about trying to avoid someone because they didn’t know how to let go of a fucking grudge. I’m so glad to be away from it and don’t have to worry about any of them ever again. I wish them all the best but I am just glad I’m in a better place now. I sit and think about how much bullshit I put up with and it makes me physically sick. I always knew I’d get run off by that bitch and now that I have, I know that it was the push I needed to go get better for myself.
Even the other day when I spoke with the boss, it was the same bullshit where I didn’t get choices. She told me that I wasn’t going to get a raise and I was only going to be allowed to work at our other location. She didn’t care what I had to say, didn’t want to hear where I was coming from and was ‘pissed’ that I had even asked for a raise because I got the biggest bonus and it’s like okay, well I earned it! It’s not like you just fucking gave it to me! And I worked there for over a year before they even started the bonus thing in the first place!
I was just so fucking over that place and all the bullshit but I couldn’t think outside the box because I knew if I did, I would have to get out. I compare that place to an abusive relationship where I didn’t want to leave for fear of getting into something else but stayed because it’s what was consistent and what was familiar, no matter how miserable it made me. I knew that place was never going to get any better, it was always going to be short-staffed, was no hope for a raise, and I was always getting yelled at and cussed out. It just got old. That place sucked the life out of me and made it hard for me to have any kind of a life outside of it. On my days off, I was always struggling to have time and energy for anything else.
Anyways, gonna hang out and then get ready to go.
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