The anxiety about my new job is starting to set in. I just keep reminding myself that I’ve wanted to break away from that shit hole for a long time and I’m finally getting that chance. The new place seems to be a lot more organized, the GM is very easy to talk to, and I’ll make more money. I watched videos last night from about 4:30 to 7pm and then he got me shirts and wrote me a schedule for next week. I will work 4-9pm every night with the same days off as I had before, which is Sunday and Monday. I’ll train with someone on Tuesday and then I’ll be on my own Wednesday if I’m comfortable.
I already like it and can’t wait to get in there and start doing stuff. I’m nervous but it’s not the end of the world. I knew that I would get a new job at some point and now it’s finally happening. I’m excited to start this new journey and see what this place has to offer. I’m definitely hoping everyone is pretty laid back and chill, but with a little bit more professionalism then where I came from. I’m also happy that I won’t have to take out my facial piercings and I will still get to wear jeans. I will have to buy some black shoes but I don’t have to worry about that for now.
That Matt guy text me last night about hooking up. I definitely like him but he’s just looking to have fun and not getting into anything so there’s no way I will hook up with him. We are both agreed on how we want different things and I’m honestly hoping he just won’t bother me anymore. The other one still wants to hang out but I just don’t think I’m into it. He just text me and apparently went off-roading which kinda pisses me off because he knows I like to do that shit too but didn’t bother to ask me to come along so I don’t know what the point of telling me he went was going to do. Annoyed.
I just got out of the shower. I started my period yesterday so I’ve been super tired. I had my niece yesterday but sent her home about noon because I was just exhausted and needed to take a nap or I wasn’t going to make it. I really fucking hate my time of the month because it just reeks serious havoc on me physically and emotionally. I hate feeling out of sorts every month, a definite draw back to being a female, that’s for sure.
It just feel so good to be away from that job that didn’t bring me any joy or happiness anymore. I will miss knowing what I was supposed to do and everything but I haven’t even heard from any of my old co-workers and don’t even care. I’m just so glad to be away from that place and all the bullshit. It’s been almost 2 weeks now and I feel more alive and content than I’ve been in a long time. I can’t believe I stayed for as long as I did despite how shitty I was treated. I just couldn’t take it anymore and I’m glad that I don’t have to go back. As much as I have anxiety about a new job, I had just as much anxiety about going there everyday.
I already like the new job because I have choices. He asked me what days and hours I would prefer and he made that happen. I can tell that he likes me and that feels really nice. I don’t feel like I have to walk on eggshells because he’s the GM like I did at my other job. I’m super anxious and nervous but I’m just going to take it one day at a time and just enjoy it. I don’t have to worry about anyone hating me and have to worry about waiting in my car for someone to leave before I clock in. The anxiety is still there but it’s a different kind now. I’m just going to be happy once I’m on my own because I hate following someone around and not knowing what to do but I know it won’t last long. I want to just jump in there and start feeling more comfortable.
Ugh, I’m just so annoyed that relationships have to be so hard. I’ve watched my friends find good guys and that’s why I hang on to a little bit of hope but it’s like all the ones I find make shit way too fucking complicated. I don’t want to be someone’s main priority but it would be nice to find someone who just wants to get to know me and actually wants to be around me and for more than just sexual reasons. I love sex but I’m just so turned off by dudes acting like it’s the only important thing when it’s not.
I honestly wonder if I really don’t care about finding someone or it’s just because I keep running into men that have already been hurt so they just don’t really know what they want. It would just be nice to have someone to go do things with and actually build a bond with instead of it always being about sex. I want a mental connection with someone first. I was annoyed with that guy the other night because he like couldn’t stop touching me and it was honestly pissing me off. He was getting annoyed that I wouldn’t make out with him but his breath smelled like ass and I just wasn’t comfortable with it. He tried to touch me down there and I seriously pulled away. It’s like dude, are you not picking up on my body language or are you intentionally trying to be a pushy jerk?! Nothing went anywhere I would have been super uncomfortable with but I don’t care to hang out with him again.
Anyways, I’m just enjoying my day. I took a nap earlier and just showered. I got dishes done last night and cleaned up the kitchen. I just want to be working again so I can start making money. I have to make up some money for the bills that haven’t gotten paid yet for the month and get back to having extra money for things. I just want to be trained and be on my own already. I know I’ll pick up on it super quick because it’s the same type of place as the last one but I just want to get the initial awkwardness over with.
Anyways, gonna go watch tv or do something. Just enjoying sitting around doing nothing. It’s been so nice to get a break from work and actually have me time and see my niece more. .
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