This was the most powerful meditation I had in a while. My emotions were all over my body. I came in contact with images that connected me to being hit in the face repeatedly as a child and being subdued by the wrists and upper body. I passed images that were in the form of flashbacks of things that traumatized me, like seeing my parents naked. And some things, I think I merely imagined in order to explore the feelings associated with those thoughts, such as the highly sexualized thoughts and feelings I get from my lower back and groin that make me think I was raped and sucked off before I had a conscious notion of thought in the libido.
I hope I can talk to someone soon about these things. It was heavily emotional and I would like to express them and come to grips with my feelings of helplessness. It would subdue my extreme perfectionism and impulsiveness.
I literally felt the reasons that I seek to fight, freeze, or flee, and it overwhelmed me. For a moment I thought I was wrong to listen to the deep therapy without a professional therapist around. I'm still scared.
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