I made a decision. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so I just got off work about an hour ago. I finished the week with 45 hours and am tired as fuck. I’m going to have my phone on silent until I’m ready to deal with people tomorrow. I have to get some sleep as I drug serious ass yesterday and today. I didn’t get shit for sleep Thursday night because of that fruitcake Eric and last night I got a decent amount but had my niece so it made it kinda tough to get a good night’s sleep.

Bae came over this morning and we smashed and then he went back to work. I didn’t hear from him again until after I had gotten to work and because I didn’t text him he thought he did something wrong. I actually had to leave early to open the store since the manager wasn’t there yet. We texted some today and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this situation and I decided I need to break things off. I just can’t feel good about myself knowing that I have a sexual relationship with a man that has a girl at home and has a kid with her. It’s just not right. I don’t like feeling like a homewrecker or a side chick and that’s exactly what I’ve been. It’s just not a fair situation to anyone except him as he’s having his cake and is able to eat it too.

There’s already some warning signs that let me know I’m just the side chick. He told me the other day I was saved in his phone as ‘my baby’ and then he tells me yesterday that I’m now saved under a dudes name. When he first started hanging out, he said he was going to tell her about me. Well, obviously that’s not going to happen. I just don’t like how dishonest he’s being with her because it makes me wonder how dishonest he’s probably being with me too. I mean, he seems very genuine but I’m just going to end up getting fucked over and I REFUSE to allow myself to get hurt. I just won’t let it happen as NO GUY is worth all that pain again.

I realized that if the only guys I can find are either emotionally fucked up, have too much baggage or are taken, than I’m better off being single. I always manage to find men that are just going to hurt me and I ain’t about to let it happen this time, especially with this guy who obviously doesn’t totally care. He hasn’t said anything about his plan with things other than his kids will have what they need and I’ll have what I want but what does that exactly mean?! I honestly wish I would have never met him because it gave me hope that maybe things could end up being good with someone as he treats me better than I’ve ever been treated, makes effort to see me even if it’s just to get a kiss and makes me feel super loved and protected but I can’t help but wonder if it’s just an act because he’s bored at home.

I am just exhausted and plan to take a hot bubble bath and get settled in for the night. I need to think about this some more before I let him know that I’m done. I know that I have feelings for him and care for him but he started saying I love you and we’ve known each other a week? I think this is more of a puppy love type of deal than it is real. I was talking about him to a couple of dudes at work and they thought it was bullshit he hasn’t bought me anything yet but we haven’t known each other long and they mentioned a couple of other things that made me think. They don’t know the whole situation as it makes me look bad but they opened my eyes to things.

It just makes me really sad that I can’t find someone who is right for me. This whole situation just sucks but I’m just glad I’m going to pull myself out it sooner than later.