227 in idea barrages

1.) A country song that shot to the top of the charts quickly is said to be “number one, with a mullet”.

2.) Bill O’Reilly claims Carly Simon wrote a song about him.

3.) Oh man, did you see that supervillain get defeated? The Human Torch is on FIRE tonight!

4.) The Olympics would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those medalling kids.

5.) Up-down up-down left-right left-right B-A B-A deny-deny-deny is the Contrarian Code. Gets you thirty extra arguments!

6.) I want boxers designed to look like a fast-food coffee cup with “caution: contents are hot” featured prominently in the design.

7.) My expectations for Star Wars 7 are lower than beneath the Earth’s mantle in the magma. They’ve broken my heart too many times. The prequels were like joyously taking your wife to Lamaze and picking out cradles and painting the baby room with your own two hands and then in the delivery room, the baby is an ethnicity that is not yours or your wife’s. The baby is a Gungan, his name is Jar-Jar and all hope in the world is dead forever.

8.) If hipsters ran baseball there would be a fifty game suspension for the first time you tested positive for gluten.

9.) Johnny Cash once jammed with Brian Eno, just to get some pie.

10.) Look, delivery man, this bread is not crazy. This bread is neurotic at best. Please come back with cripplingly psychotic bread.

11.) In conjunction w the release of the next Rocky/Rambo sequel, they are gonna sell Sylvester Cologne. It will smell of grasping at relevancy.

12.) The more cooped and lonely Hulk is, the funnier Hulk gets! Hulk is funniest of them all! Hulk JEST! Hulk JEST PUNY HUMANS!

13.) Ilion NY has been forward-thinking in its gradual transition to an entirely meth-based economic model.

14.) I grant myself this, I don’t vaguebook. I specificbook.

15.) “This poem is entitled I’m A Catch, You’re Running Out Of Chances To Buy-Low On The Investment Opportunity That Is My Love…“

16.) I like to think Dominos Pizza is becoming Dominos not because of an expanded menu, rather to settle a false advertising suit.

17.) I want a reality show about helping poets sell their work called “Pimp My Rhyme”.

18.) Whistling in rock songs is for people who do not know a harmonica player.

19.) I wanna be me when I grow up.

20.) It’s a show that educates kids about classic cinema. It’s called YO GARBO GARBO. It’s… pretty terrible.

21.) Whenever someone refers to their groin as their “bikini area” I briefly think they’re talking about a beach.

22.) A sexual Millennium Falcon, don’t look like much but I’ve got it where it counts.