E’s over 4 months old now. It’s insane how quickly it goes and how fast they grow. She’s amazing and getting. So big. It’s insane to think I’ve been lucky enough to love her foe this long already.
At her 4 month well child check she was 16 pounds 3.6 ounces and like 22 1/2 inches or something. She was in the 97% for height and 86% for weight I think it was. Needless to say she’s a big girl.
She’s so sweet. She absolutely loves me. The look she gives me when we make eye contact just makes me smile & melts me. She talks so much and is such a noisy baby. Even in her sleep she’s babbling. She’s started really playing with toys, trying to roll over, interactive. Just being a real human really. I just love her and her personality.
Today I made the drive to visit her parents. I try to go once a month. It’s important to me they get to know her and she gets to know them. There’s always a chance and likelihood she will go back with them. I don’t want them to be complete strangers. Yet, I also feel like if they know I’m taking care of her and letting them have contact they’ll just leave her be.
We saw Dad first and met him at a gas station with a McDonald’s. I’d planned for a 1 1/2 hour visit. He made it about 30-40 minutes before he said he had to go. He held her, talked to her a little and tried to feed her a bottle. He was very worried she might drool on him. He didn’t have any money and I got him lunch. He commented on how happy she is with me and how big she’s getting. At the end he simply thanks me and says he’d like to see her again next month if he can and leaves.
Like no big deal. Really I truly believe he’s just happy she’s cared for, he doesn’t want the responsibility and he’s happy being allowed limited contact. He’s missing out on so much with her but I’m thankful he makes the best choice for E and doesn’t try to fight to have her with him.
Next we saw Mom for 2 hours. I brought E’s 9 year old sister with for this one. It went okay. Mom is so immature and like trapped with the brain of a young teenager. She was having a tantrum over her job when we got there and started crying. She wasn’t going back and would just get in trouble. It was stupid but she was redirected and pulled it together as the kids don’t need to see that.
She struggles to care and interact with the kids for the full 2 hours. She’d hold E and then give her right back. Wait awhile, ask to hold her again and repeat. It was fine with me as I love E to pieces and will happily snuggle her. I feel like it’s also important she see the bond we have and how loved her daughter is. At this point I do not want her to just rip this girl away from all she’s ever known if it comes to that and want her to see how important it is to transition her slowly.
She really is all over the place. Sometimes she’s rambling about when she gets the kids back and what they’ll do. Other times she simply plans life without them or tells E things like “here, go back to your mom” while she hands her over to me like she’s a bored child tired of playing with their sibling.
We briefly talked about her discharge plan. She doesn’t know. She can’t decide if she wants to stay there or move here. Neither plan necessarily includes the kids a lot. I always mention if it was me I’d want to be where my kids were and where I had support. I simply don’t want her to get out and demand E back quickly. I can’t say I want to give her back at all. If she was doing good though & could be a good mom, I would be happy to very slowly transition her. So it’s easier on E. So they have a higher chance of success.
It’s tough not knowing what this is going to look like in 8 months. I simply pray daily it’s whatever is best for sweet E. She’s too amazing to break.
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