Entries 34

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It’s the 4th of July. Yay. If I actually had something to do anyways. There’s stuff going on in town but it’s going to be 92+ today and hot. I hate hot. The baby hates hot. We’re just sitting in...

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The last few days have been a struggle. My anxiety is off the charts. I woke up yesterday in pure panic before 4 a.m. I ended up working over 12 hours. Just trying to stay busy. Angry that I was...

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E’s over 4 months old now. It’s insane how quickly it goes and how fast they grow. She’s amazing and getting. So big. It’s insane to think I’ve been lucky enough to love her foe this long alread...

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It’s been a week. A good week. Just one more day of work and I’ll get a day off. It won’t be much of a day off but at least kind of. On the dating front… This is the first time I’ve felt peace ...

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I’m absolutely a full steam ahead kind of person. All in. 150%. All or nothing. Thus… living in the moment is… hard. Especially when the moments are incredible. I just keep reminding myself thou...

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The title says it all. I went on an incredible first date Friday night which slightly restored my faith in the dating world. Only partly of course. I have been really struggling to decide what ...

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I’m so over shitty people and life. That sums up my week basically. Monday night I was pretty happy and everything was going smoothly. By last night I was ready to just run away, change my name,...

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Today has been rough. A year ago I was on the first date with Nick. In a whirlwind romance that moved way too fast I guess. We immediately started spending every other full weekend together, eve...

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It’s almost the weekend. One more day of work. I’m entirely over it so I can’t wait to have a couple days off. The yard looks like shit though so it won’t even be like much of a weekend off as I...

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The last couple days have been a serious struggle when it comes to my overthinking, mental health and just the never ending thoughts when it comes to Nick. I thought I was doing good. I’m not. ...

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I’m just sitting in bed cuddling with baby E. I should really go lay her down now now that she’s fully asleep and then write this entry. If I miss my chance she wakes up and thinks she just took...

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My heart is currently broken. This is one of those breaks you don’t heal from. It’s humanly impossible. My worst nightmare is happening and there’s literally nothing I can do to stop it. I’ve he...

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I just read my last entry from 2/8/26. It’s amazing to me, I’m still alive. The level of my depression that week. It was bad. Even worse than I wrote about. Bad enough I vividly remember it. Bad...

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Still here. Still breathing. One step at a time. Am I still depressed? Ohhhhhh, so fucking bad. This has been rough. I’m not sure my thoughts have ever been this bad or went on for this long to ...

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Another day has gone and went. I’m pretty frustrated I’m struggling so much. I can generally push the bad away and bounce back. Out of sight, out of mind. Fake it until you make it. If I live i...

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I’m still here. Still simply putting one foot in front of the other. Doing my daily routine because it’s that - simply a routine, a habit. It’s what I do. I only spent 3 full days in bed last w...

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Literally. I’m simply spiraling and falling into so many pieces right now it’s not even funny. I did just text my therapist to see if she has any appointments today. Just waiting for her to repl...

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I’m not even sure which way to go tonight. So many thoughts and so much overthinking. My mind makes me crazy sometimes. Nick’s seemed too busy to talk the last couple days. Basically since I le...

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My anxiety is pretty awful tonight. I feel like I should be doing a million things as time is so limited and I’m so busy the next few months. Yet, I’m just sitting here. Lost in my thoughts. I ...

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Well, I made it back home and back to reality about 1 p.m. today. After 7 nights with Nick being back on my own isn’t that great. I really enjoy his company most of the time and just being with ...

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Currently, I’m just filled with anxiety. Spinning in circles. So much to do, so little time. Constant fears and worries. Overwhelmed. Stressed. Overthinking. We leave for Vegas in 3 days. Getti...

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It leaves me stunned how some people just stick with me. Some losses or endings hurt more than others. Once in awhile you meet a person you simply can’t forget. That’s Joe. Completely and utter...

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Other than being sick it was a really nice weekend. I’ve had this stupid cold for about a week now. My throat is so sore and my nose is so stuffy. I think this is making my sore throat worse as ...

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Haven’t felt like I’ve had much to say the last couple days. My mind remains all over the place and can’t seem to settle on anything peaceful. Just constant worries and fears. I’m starting to wo...

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My anxiety is awful tonight. Over thinking. Emotions everywhere. I didn’t think it would be THIS hard to welcome a new baby girl into my life. Where to even begin? I’ve been silently contemplat...

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