May 5, 2026
Malungkot ako masaya na sana but i feel lonely.
The weekend was fun was indeed fun but I didn’t have someone to share it with. I wanted to explore and see new things and go to new places, try new stuff and I wanna share it with someone, talk about it with someone, be so loud with it with someone…. But I dont have my someone.
Andami kong nagawa, kahit wala akong tulog nun, bumyahe ako. Pawis na pawis, gustom, walang tulog… but it was a good experience… di nga lang buo.
I wanted to tell you about how my day went. How it started till how it ended. Then another day came again. I wanna tell you all that but wala eh. I guess what we shared was never valuable for you at all.
I guess it never was for you. I guess it really was just sex.
Not for me but yeah…
Youve always made it clear that you’re willing to abandon everything and anyone for your peace of mind.
But have you asked yourself if you also caused chaos to someone because of your words?
You wanted peace but you cause chaos to others?
You want silence but you push people to their limits till they explode?
So it’s really just all about you huh?
Dapat ikaw lng yung comfortable and okay di bale na ano gawin mo sa iba bsta ikw at peace ganun.
Mmmmmm… you may want to work on that. Include that to your list too. You are not aware of it but you really do project your own insecurities to other people. Having this idea that people should look good all the time to the point of altering their faces to your liking.
Srsly?
I took you and the all of you but you wanted for me to change to fit your “type”?
Sorry i dont look like those naked girls you follow on insta, those girls you save on your phone and show off to your circle of friends. The girl you project as your type and the one na gusto mo ipagyabang.
Sorry I’m not that. Such a hypocrite really.
Kinakahiya mo ako, while I proudly show you off to my family… to the point they wanted to meet you.
You always do this.
The moment I’m about to introduce you to people that matters to me you somehow do something stupid and cause conflict or straight up walk away because you have “issues”.
Gusto mo lang laging okay….
The moment may conflict you just shut down.
As if talaga life is always okay…
Tumatak sakin yung sinabi mo.. ….. lahat yun. Importante sakin yung sinabi eh.
But I guess that’s all I really am to you…. Just sex.
8:19 PM
Ang init. Sobra, but Ive managed to sleep for a whole day since 9 am till 7 pm. Gekko is looking so cute here.
Another night of training. Another night of being surrounded by people. There’s this pick me who based her personality on her horoscope. There’s a know it all, loud, and highly extroverted guy who’s all talk, tas may seatmate pa akong di marunong mag self troubleshoot or even try the most basic navigation sa pc nya pero ang ingat about her experience at work. Hays…
Where’s my breather…
My pause in all this chaos. My safe space….
Hays…
8:40 PM
What we had was my safe space.
*It was not “*just sex” to me. I valued that every moment… more than youll ever know.
8:42 PM
I figured that enduring was not the right word for it.
I still dont know the word for it but… I did all that because it was my happiness. It was what made me feel safe and happyyyy.
Off to work.
Now this time I’m indeed enduring these people.
Btw, you kinda like it when I write about you huh.. hahaha cute mo parin.
I guess you like it when I write and talk as if I’m talking to you and sharing you what I can’t say. Perhaps you under that I’m better at writing how I think and feel than talking about it.
I guess natutuwa ka rin basahin yun.
9:08 PM
I’m eating bbq. Hehehe idk comfort food lang. But srsly I’m hungry af.
I read something online…
It was posted by an artist…
“I create art about you and you’ll never know”U
True. I do.
May 6, 2026
2:18 AM
Ang ginaw sa fuente huhuhu
8:28 AM
I’m craving for ramen but I’m also eepy. Eepy and sad basically.
Idk how to describe it. I might fall asleep while writing this, or not….
I’m really sad. Nasasaktan lang, to me it was more than that. I valued it, it was my safe space… my little garden.
My tiny garden I love so much. I can be me without judgement. I’ll cry myself to sleep for now I guess.
9:02 AM
Still crying tho… cant sleep.
I’m disappointed and hurt by what ive done.
I reacted in anger again. Instead of taking a pause and rereading it. I replied in anger. It was my first response. Nakasakit nanaman ako ng tao. I feel bad and I’m really sad about it.
I’m sorry…. I shouldve done better.
I’m sorry…. I responded in anger… again.
I’m sorry…. I hurt you again.
I’m sorry….. I’m sorry..
I hate myself too believe me. Maybe that’s why I dont deserve and get nice things cuz I always end up hurting them.
Yeah… I dont deserve nice things.
It’s okay… i still care about you regardless. You on the other hand… deserve nice things.
Yeah, I got angry kasi dko nagustuhan yong sinabi mo… instead of communicating it nauna yung galit ko.
Believe me… i hate it too…. I hate myself for reacting like that too… but I’ll only figure it out pag kumalma na ako…. I hate it.
I hate it.
Sana alam ko kaagad, but i get blinded with anger the moment it hits me.
I hate it….. i really hate it 😞
I end up hurting people…. I dont like it…. I’m sorry useless 😔
9:13 AM
It was my safe space. My happiness. The only company I had and I ruined it. I’m sorry I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid.
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.
I’m sorry I’m an idiot sometimes.
I’m sorry for being like this… i try… believe me I try…
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry i hurt the only company I’m keeping.
I’m so stupid
Puta
I’m sorry.
I guess this is why I’m better off alone… so i dont end up hurting anyone.
But i dont want to be alone. I want a friend… i want to be with someone… i want to be safe. I dont want to be alone… i want to laugh and share it. I wanna make food and share it.
I wanna capture them and keep it
I like looking at their eyes and faces and remember it
I guess i dont deserve any of those
I also got hurt by what was said but I got blinded with anger 😣 i hate it
I hate it when it happens
I hate myself when i end up hurting them
I dont like it
I dont like it at all
I dont want that
I’m sorry
9:28 AM
oooooh dont worry. I know better than to drag you with me and my ugly existence.
“You are more than that… it’s more than that.”
You’re right… it is*.*
It’s more than that for me. I guess I have to put it in to words.
It’s like oxygen.
Oxygen is “breathable” because our body can use it in a very specific chemical process: cellular respiration.
Here’s the simple version:
• When you breathe in air, oxygen enters your lungs.
• Tiny air sacs called alveoli pass that oxygen into your blood.
• Your red blood cells carry it to tissues and organs.
Inside your cells, oxygen helps break down glucose
to produce energy.
Without enough oxygen, your cells can’t efficiently make energy, especially in the brain and heart.
What I have with you is like oxygen… it flows naturally. We arent chasing anything, it’s just us living the present. We dont notice it but it’s absence affects us, when we have a misunderstanding… it’s suffocating. But in good days we find it comforting too… ecstatic even.
Even though we need oxygen, too much can be harmful. Earth’s atmosphere is only about 21% oxygen—the rest is mostly nitrogen. Breathing pure oxygen for too long can damage lungs and tissues because oxygen is so reactive.
Too much of what we have is toxic too, we become drunk and lose ourselves or our temper which can be bad for us as well.
So oxygen is breathable not just because we inhale it—but because our biology evolved to use it as the final step in making life-sustaining energy.
Just like what we have.
We enjoy it not because we both benefit from it, but because it makes life warmer, happier and healthier. It makes both of us better people, happy individuals that has something to look forward too because we both know we have us waiting for eachother.
Makes living better.
Makes us better.
To me it’s happiness and safety and the idea that I have someone to share my life with. I guess it’s love in someway but it’s more than that. Not just the romantic one, no.
I have a friend. I have someone to spend my life with.
Makes life a little less lonely and a little bit funnier.
I’m happy with that. It’s more than I could ever ask.
I’m with someone who makes me feel safe and happy.
You’re not alone and lonely. We get to live our lives individually but share something we cant even explain but we both know is worth the value.
I guess it’s like that.
Until itll go to waste cuz I’m an idiot of course.
….. anyway… i guess It’s best if I just leave people alone.
I’m useless to everyone.
2:35 PM
I woke up, now I’m hungry….
4:49 PM
I only have 1 reddit account.
Even at work I still journal, seems like there’s nothing stopping me from that.
5:16 PM
Someday, someone will be proud of me too.
Not compare, embarrass, and keep me like I’m some kind of disease. While they show off somebody that’s their type and embarrass me for looking otherwise.
As if talaga di sila yung insecure lol.
I guess my problem is I cant stay mad all the time.
Anyways nyt2
8:42 PM
I hate the fact that you smell lingers in some of my things…
Loading comments...