Burning April in My Life Is Cake, Here’s a Slice

April 8, 2026

9:36 PM

3rd day of bad sleeping. I need to reset this.

I appreciate that I had this friend who spontaneously treated us for dinner. Kung sino yung nakasama kong mag bbq sila lang din ang sumama sa dinner. Ang saya nag dimsum kami and i love it so much ehhee. He added my favorite choco pao pa hehe

April 9, 2026

2:57 AM

I am not sleeping right again. I have to do a reset again. I'm getting tired of this again. I've been sleeping since 11 PM. Thankfully a fried of mine took me out to dinner spontaneously and it did help lighten up my mood. However my body tells a different story. It's tired and drained.

3:01 AM

I'm not a place holder. I'm not someone who you can temporarily keep till you find someone better. I'm not staying, infact my ship has sailed a long time ago. Idk if it's obvious, I don't even buy your ragebaits and long narratives anymore. Imagine dealing with you as a lover, imagine dating your ownself. You'll get drained too. I guess it's me feeling sorry for you and your situation that made me stay. In all the hurt I've gotten from people, I still have my big heart and love to give. You have nothing besides worldly resources.

And no, you dont communicate. You're only good at expressing yourself but you have difficulty processing what other people give you, you can't even reciprocate. You are your own downfall.

I guess Billie was right when she said ...
"Thought I was depressed or losing my mind.
My stomach upset almost all of the time.
But after I left, it was obvious why ..."

Tho I did love you but then I realized I was planting my seed of love on a dry soil that will never grow. No matter how much water I poured in it, it'll never grow. Not because the seed was unhealthy but because the soil is dry and unhealthy. I has nothing to give, it was dry and rocky.

It's funny how you said you'd be better in a couple of months but you have been like that for years. I was not the problem, it was you.

You needing me, my presence during the days where there's no light in your empty room is like keeping someone who's drowning just so you could float.

I've burned bridges while standing on it. From all the people who have wronged me. It's for them to see that I'm not afraid to be in the water I know I can swim on. But you, you weren't dragging me down, you aren't keeping me afloat either, you're just holding my hand tightly to keep your self afloat. But me, I wasn't drowning, not afloat, just barely breathing.

Calling me a hypocrite and throwing rocks at me just because you can see through my shit I'm not afraid of hiding. While you tightly conceal your garbage but somehow is still leaking and you don't even know it.

If you're are indeed ready and prepped for a life you've been dreaming of, go get someone who's already in a pretty box with everything they have and need with them and make that purchase. Stop holding on to a hypocrite you hate so much, yet still lust after. Ayaw din siguro nila sayo for your lacking.

What's so funny lang is... you are still watching. Just lying about it... now read.

Anyways I wish you the best for the rest of your life. And give me my clothes back. You can keep the ones you bought, those aren't my size. Prolly meant for someone else entirely.

4:55 AM
I'm banging my head kasi antok na atok ako huhuhu. I'm also addicted to AM's R U Mine Instrumental.

April 14, 2026

I feel relieved that a big chunk of the burden I’m carrying is now on the floor. Ive finally submitted my resignation at the company I endured for almost 3 years. I have stalled for too long and I’m finally getting my life back together- financially atleast.

Anyway, I had a great weekend this week.
I went out on a spontaneous lunch with a friend and ate Japanese food which I really love!!! Then andami naming pinagusapan also after our lunch she treated me at NANYA to get some dessert. Well I just got a sandwhich and a lemon tea and MAAAANNNN THE BREWED TEA WITH HONEY AND LEMON IS THE BEESSTT!!!! I’m sooo happy!!!

Then I went home and freshened up since it was already 3 in the afternoon, I decided ai wanted to go out and paint. I really wanna go someone mahangin with tress and a balcony and I thought of a place. Hihihii I dmed someone and ask if I can paint at his place, idk if he knows it but i really like his balcony. May malaking puno kasi and hindi cia mainit, it’s a tight space but it’s kinda cozy. May upoan kalang tas coffee or tea I can then sit there for hours with my paint or book or anything that I like tinkering hehehe Sobrang pagod yung katawan ko, masakit yung kamay and nag ka fever rin. But it was worth it hehehe YEYYY I GET TO PLAY CITIES SKYLINE AGAAAIIINN waahhhh I’m so happy with how my city is turning out huhuhu i just wished i can play more. Also, I’m more something than normal.. which is good i guess. Atleast I get my periods hehehe. But I’ll keep it to myself hehehe. But i love it tho hehehe tbh.

09:19 PM

I was not able to complete the earlier entry since I had fallen asleep already Hahaha. I can't wait to start journaling in Prosebox, much more freedom and lesser crowd. I love that it's a safe space between writers and readers who loves to share anything that makes them happy.

Also I've alos submitted my resignation letter which puts me on a better mood now tbh. Idk why but it does make me happy. I'll be leaving at the end of April then I'll be in Boracay for 3 days. Im exciteeedddd

10:06 PM
I got tilted with someone. Forcing me to eat candied strawberry. I DON"T LIKE CANDIES! STOP FORCING ME TO EAT WHAT I DON"T LIKE.

I want my strawberries dipped in chocolate not CANDIED!

10:18 PM
I received an update about my pending application and was told that they are still waiting for a schedule for the client interview. I'm kinda nervous but positive. I hope I get this job.

10:30 PM
It's kinda sad thinking that what I want and hope to have in the future is nowhere possible given the economy. I'm also sad that now im being forced and convinced nonstop by my manager to go out and have a getaway as despedida without thinking I still have other priorities that needs attending. The getaway she's forcing me into is not for me but for her. Which is annoying af.

April 15, 2026

12:06 AM
I discovered an online tetris and wordle you can play as multiplayer with friends. It was fun until someone decides to bully someone constantly. Anyway, ang sakit ng balakang ko huhuhu
Ang sakit talaga ng balakang koo huhuhu.

I might go out and take a breather while on lunch at 1 AM, idk where to go, prolly get some meds or whatever

3:42 AM
I slept at my lunch break till 3:30 AM. Still my back hurts like hell.

4:50 PM
My resignation has been approved and I'm only up till 16th of May. WTF
hahahahah tngina talaga inextend pa amp. Anyway I'll have a breakfast with Yellow today sa Chowking and we'll talk about what happened sa server, turns out it was more than just a reported story LOL.

10:38 PM
Nawala yung drafts ko eh mahaba nayun eh huhuhu

So ayun nga I was talking about me sleeping on the floor and planing to get a small foam for me kahit yung maliit lang, Ayoko kasi talgang ma bed, I feel like sleeping in a bed feels like a routine. Whereas sleeping on the floor makes me more sleepy and actually sleep. I Also wanted to get new pillows and covers. I'm tired na, gusto ko ng magpahinga. Pero puta di ako makatulog.

10:56 PM
Might take a nap again since it's my break.

4:26 AM
Man... I slept from 11 PM till 4 am. WTF hahahhahha
I've spoken to my client and he mentioned he needed 10 people to choose from for my replacement. It's exhausting having to choose only one huhuhu. Now I'm prepping the training materials for me to train the next person to replace me. pffttttt damn

5:35 AM
I'm gonna have breakfast somewhere beautiful today.

April 16, 2026

2:25 PM

I just got home from the highlands. I needed a breather after an anxious week. Got a burger, coffee and a good view. Balamban will always be my go to if I need some space to breathe. I wasn’t having bad thoughts, just heavy shoulders. I needed that altitude to lift my spirits up. I created a montage of my memories again. Posted it on my tiktok hehehe, I love how it turned out. I really love taking memories, not necessarily posting it but just keeping a record of it. It has galways been my goal… fuck external validation. I’m fine on my own. I love how the video turned out eeeiihh, I’m not into tiktok but that was nice.

I feel a bit better now.

9:37 PM
Grabe inaantok na ako, my head is slowly banging from time to time hahaha nakakahiya!
Bat kasi gumala pa ako ng konti eh, yan tuloy di na nakatulog till start ng shift hjuhuhu
I guess I'll take most of my time napping again.

12:59 AM
I had some fun today, Ill take a nap now.

April 17, 2026

2:22 AM
So I just woke up from my nap and I remembered my ex sent me a pic of our dogs when they were still a baby hahaha aweee my cuties 💕So as seen in the pic from left to right is Small, Junior, and Timone.

Their death was so painful for me, I only have Timone left. She's with my ex and is preggers again. I miss my Timone tho. My cutie little babiess💕💕

9:35 PM
I'm hungry tho. I'm really hungry. Didn't eat dinner and lunch. I wanna take a nap but I'm hungry. I guess I'll take a nap.

April 19, 2026

8:30 AM

I guess the curse of being an artist is you think your work is ugly while everyone think it’s beautiful.

You know it’s ugly cuz it’s you who did it. All you see is the flaws, incorrect strokes, and that ugly color combination.

What they see is a vision, what you see is another mistake. An expensive mistake.

April 21, 2026

3:32 AM

Idk why i'm feeling hot hahaha iykyk. I wanna be touched.

11:39 AM

I’m kind of upset that I misread the email of my client interview and missed it. It was supposed to be earlier this morning not tonight.

I’m just scared, I called the recruitment team and they assured me they’ll include me on the next schedule. I have waited for this for weeks and I missed it. Sa lahat talaga nganung panahon na magpaka bobo ako that time pa.

Ive also read something beautiful today that kinda helped lighten up how I felt. It says “Make sure to always speak your language, so you never have to translate your soul”.

I realize that I always have. With how I dress, how I behave, my giggles and humor, my cooking, my acts of service, my writing, my painting. I guess it will show who’s listening.

12:06 PM

I want to sleep but I can’t sleep. I’m hungry.

I’m looking at myself basically thinking if I’m just a museum of collective failures or a gallery filled with paintings of me trying.

I’m not a fucking pretty barbie that has everything packed up in a box waiting to be sold.

I guess that is the fun of my life… not having everything and doing something to gain it. How boring it must be to have everything on a gold platter. I guess that’s where the fun is… in the lacking.

You get to pick those things you need along the way.

Going back to my language. Hopefully, someone is smart enough to listen and see the things I love and enjoy. I might paint them too if they stay long enough.

1:03 PM

What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?

2:12 PM

Still can’t sleep, I wanna leave this company na talaga, this fucking manager knows no boundaries.

2:34PM

• Not pretty enough unless i put make up on

• “Mag ayos ka more” because the natural me isnt pretty enough to be appreciated

• Just lusted

• Asked to wear more slutty and “better” clothes to look better but still kinakahiya, only to be worshipped naked.

• Kinakahiya, because again not the barbie with complete set ready to be sold.

• not feminine/girly enough to deserve flowers

• not girly enough to be “liked”

• not loved but lusted.

Prolly that’s all I am for.

Mmm prolly not what I am for, but… more like what I am to those eyes alone.

Because from what I see, I’m not all that naman eh. Sa mata lang ng taong yun siguro.

2:44 PM

I wanna transfer all my journals to Prosebox naaaaaa huhuhuhu

2:45 PM

People who genuinely love you won’t ever question your worth, it’s usually the people that doesn’t**.**

Maybe i dont have a checklist because I don’t project my own insecurity to people and make sure they don’t have it. Ive been told and felt beautiful most of my life so I never felt ugly even without make up on and just my favorite baggy clothes. It’s usually the insecure who projects their own insecurity to you prolly cuz theyve never been appreciated when they were just being “plain and normal”. So they have this idea to be put together just to be appreciated or seen. And if they dont put theirselves together, they don’t get the attention they need.

I woke up with a messy hair and crumpled shirt once and was told to have the most beautiful eyes when the window light accidentally hit my face when that person opened the curtain.

I wasnt naked, I was not wearing make up, I was literally a hot mess and was still seen as beautiful.** **

So why the hell would I believe someone who can’t even see the beauty in the simplest of things ☺️

3:17 PM

I believe this is the end of my Reddit journaling. I’ll now transfer to Prosebox. Finally after 3 weeks of signing up they’re now letting me publish my entries!! Yeyyy!!

April 23, 2026

I've been feeling strongly about someone who annoys the shit out of me, then I realize why she needed a group just to feel validated.

Anyways, I'm starting this small activity during the weekends that'll help a returning artist and other introverted artists too, to feel like they have a little circle they can enjoy company with. 

5:04 AM 
I just realize how important air humidifier or air purifiers are. This office ac is soo stuffy and suffocating and I dont like it. 

11:49 PM
I am beyond disappointed and pissed off by the fact that I keep getting treated like this. I'll give myself a month, once I'm done with these people and the kind of treatment I'm getting from them- I'm out. I'm almost there... almost there.

12:04 AM
Maybe I'm too available for people and they take advantage of it. Just a bit more, I'll endure a bit more.