From yesterday. I was so zonked by the time I finished my morning class the only thing I could think of doing was taking the iPhone out and going for a slow walk around the neighborhood.
I have a non-negotiable rule that I get at least 22 minutes of some sort of cardio every day, but it was not happening yesterday. It is a rare day I skip but nope, not happening. My heart rate variability was low, and I had found myself taking a nitroglycerin the previous evening during the Zoom board meeting. My last board meeting, I might add.
There is the annual membership meeting mid-May where I will be expected to give remarks and a day long retreat in June where I will be expected to do a presentation with the incoming Treasurer and I still have quite a bit of reporting to do as our fiscal year ends June 30th. Plus, there are more ordinary meetings in the offing, but I can see the end of the intensity wavering like a glimpse of a kind of paradise ahead.
Like I imagine a pony feels when she can smell home after pulling a cart all day.
I noticed many things on my walk. The camas are starting to flower. The apple trees are flowering, it was a perfect day to see them, not only the traditional apple but the crabapples with their beautiful dark dark pink blossoms. The redbuds are just going over as are the (traditional around here) purple blue iris. Many of the rhododendrons are blooming, (the pinky white ones that surround two sides of my place are in peak bloom right now) but the azaleas seem a bit late. At least my favorites, the orange ones. The dogwoods are magnificent, the flowers fully open.
There is an overwhelming exuberance out there. Trees getting leaves overnight. Those fresh leaves that catch the changeable light so well. And because of that the light reaching a tired older woman trying to drink it all in, has changed as well.
At some point this week I was listening to a playlist of songs that I enjoyed as a teenager, and I was thinking about how I envisioned my future then and how it actually unfolded. So many twists and turns to get to where I am now.
But boy, do I now know why people retire. Although I have developed many clever ways to compensate my brain just doesn’t work at the same speed and with the same nimbleness that it used to. Things that used to be simple, take more energy and focus.
And then there is this overwhelming blast of things coming at us all day long. Many of them disturbing.
One morning this week I changed up my routine slightly as the day’s activities required and when I sat down to teach my morning class my login to my laptop didn’t work. I had like two minutes to scramble and come up with an alternative means of teaching and I did, using my iPad and a bunch of creative substitutions.
But I was so stressed out, thinking maybe I had been hacked and I didn’t have time to call Help or go to the Apple store or… and just trying to manage everything that needed doing.
After class I wondered if maybe I had had a mini stroke, an episode of dementia or my brain was full, and was puzzling what could I do, full of fear and trepidation, meditate, listen to classical music, take a slow walk and hoping against hope that as it had been an hour the password to my laptop had reset and I could try again.
Deep breaths. I plugged the laptop in, sat at my desk and…logged in.
For some reason, having to do with being so overwhelmed with all the things, not just League things, but friend things, and work things, and all the things, I had opened my laptop and typed in, repeatedly, my old password. From four years ago!
Eek. Just eek.
I did end up listening to classical music. I also did a Tarot reading that was encouraging. I am finding joy in small things that are not really small at all. Spring unfolding, the variety of now colorful birds at the feeder, something funny someone said, the fact that while it is taking some time Mrs. Sherlock is healing from her surgery and her prognosis is good.
But now I need to go get some cardio. :)
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