It’s been a crazy ride since July 30th. We moved about 1,300 miles away from my hometown and things didn’t work out so my daughter and I came home. We were homeless for about 3 weeks until we were to get into a place. I have since gone back to my old job and my Mom babysits while I work.
The biggest problem I have right now is my work schedule is based around my Mom’s and even this week I’m only able to work 3 days. I’m really stressed. My daughter is on several waiting lists for Summer but there’s no promise I will find childcare. I have a friend that would watch her but she has several sicknesses and I can’t put myself in a position where I’m relying on unreliable people. She doesn’t know how she is going to feel day to day and I don’t want to be in a predicament where I’m constantly having to call off because she doesn’t feel good.
But yeah, it’s been a whirlwind of shit for quite some time now and my body is finally starting to relax and I actually feel tired. I left there about 2 and a half months ago. We went back almost 2 weeks ago to get our stuff. It was very emotional and I honestly wish that I would have been able to get everything the night I left. I have a lot of trauma now on top of a fuck ton of credit card debt. He doesn’t take ANY accountability for anything and it’s pretty frustrating. I wish I would have been able to get everything before and not have had to lost a week of work and spend more money and time and in the car to get the rest of our things.
Basically we moved to a place where there’s no jobs and I didn’t even have Spark or Doordash to fall back on. He knew before we left that his unemployment was running out and then went on a 2 month bender after we got there so I was using my credit cards to keep us afloat which was incredibly stupid. I knew he wasn’t going to help pay any of it back and he isn’t. I’ve had to call and make payment arrangements with my cards and I have one that I’m going to pay off as soon as I get a check in the mail to eliminate at least one extra payment a month. That card alone was used to make one of his Harley payments and I had taken a draw of $200 and by the time I pay that card off I will have spent $600. His argument is I “chose” to use my cards.
I had also purchased a trailer when we were together that he has since kept. It’s a pull behind trailer. He put ‘or’ on the title. In the end, I opted to let him keep it because then should he ever plan to leave there, he has a way to haul his stuff. Again, it isn’t fair because I paid for it but oh well.
Honestly, I have learned a lot of really hard lessons and the main one is the first fucking time someone shows you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM!!! What you do? RUN! Run as far away as possible! I had ignored the red flags until I couldn’t and now I’m left to rebuild with my daughter. I will spend the next 5 years paying back the credit card debt as he’s not responsible. I can say the next relationship I find myself in I plan to withhold information such as not talking about having credit cards nor will I ever co-own something that I paid for. I made myself responsible for bills that weren’t even in my name but if the shit didn’t get paid, it would be my daughter to suffer.
I will go above and beyond to protect myself in the future. Even if it means staying single at least until my kid is of age. I have definitely realized that even if things are good, you need to realize they probably won’t stay that way and you need to think about what could happen if you decide to separate.
It was really hard being there. We both cried a lot. It was very sad the whole time and the goodbye absolutely crushed me. I do however realize that even if he decided to come back here, it wouldn’t be for the right reasons and things wouldn’t just fall into place. I know that I don’t want to ever live with him again and I need to let go of the idea that he may come back. I think even if things end up bad for him there, he’s still going to stay.
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