Met Jared face to face finally. Jerry he likes to be called. So we are Tom & Jerry. I’m trying to catch him.
I’m coming on too strong. He’s scared and confused. He’s never been in a relationship before. He came out to himself a couple years ago. Grew up in a religious environment. He’s hyper masculine because he worked hard to present as straight his whole life. I am respecting his journey.
He’s so honest with me. Such a green flag.
Since I’m being pushed away a bit… I’m still talking to other guys. And then some. I’m so bad.
I’m feeling super sad today. It’s not depression, I don’t think. Just feel heartbroken. Not sure why.
On my drive home from the gym, I was thinking about how sad I was feeling. Just as I was pulling into my parking spot, the front of my boot got caught under my brake. The situation was too fast, the fence stopped my car for me. Ugh. My car isn’t damaged, but I have to make claim for the fence. I called my caretaker. I’ll deal with this after I calm down. Just soaking in the tub right now. In the dark, with a smudge going. The smell of bear root grounds me.
I am not back to work until Thursday. They’re working on plumbing the next two days so I’m just annoyed because this will ruin my days off at home.
Still, these are great problems. I’ve had worse problems. I’ll take’em, and not trade them.
My cousin called me while I was at the gym. This is probably why I am heartbroken. Our uncle passed away a couple weeks ago. He was out of town and couldn’t visit him or make it to his funeral. His grandfather passed away yesterday, right before he landed. He tried to make it back to visit him. He just got his life together, it’s like his world demanded human sacrifice for it. Poor guy. Poor they? I should say. Blah.
Speaking of they/them, my friend Kit is in a APTN dating show, we been waiting for the release. The trailer launched, I’m excited for them. I also noticed an enemy of mine in it too. Ha, fat bitch. He’s still single and nobody wants to mingle.
Blah. On with my day then. Maybe I’ll invite someone over, I need a lap to cry on.
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