Something I never really had any words for, spelled out in a book written before I was born. Before my husband was born. And yet… Eerily resonant.
I now sort of can glimpse that wrestling angst that so many have vehemently disregarded astrology for. It’s like a primordial backlash against what we chose and then forgot, and used our certain gifts and talents for egotistical sense gratification instead of that thing which we came here to do.
My dad was the last sentry preventing me from seeing my far-flung past. A combination of freed energy from recapitulation and dreaming energy have boosted me into new realms of perceptions. In December 2025, that was all of my childhood memories, when I forgave my mom. Now, it is a memory of life between death and birth that comes in the wake of forgiving my dad.
And, forgiveness has been an unexpected ourney. Forgiveness is not at all what I thought it was. When it happened-and yes, I do believe that “it happened” and not that “I did it”- I felt amazement. I didn’t know it was forgiveness that I was practicing. So when I dropped all expectation- when I truly blessed my dad on his journey, but decided to keep to my own and go where I needed to go for my own reasons. I left his energy and expectations with him. And I saw, for the first time, a stark contrast of one moment having a total blindness to my own level of empathy and the next moment an in my face demonstration of how blind I really was in that state.
And it’s not about my dad. Not really at all. It’s about me. It’s about how I interact and have relationships with people in my life. I have an almost complete ability to empathize with the other. I end up erasing myself. Not out of any conscious decision, but out of a physiological need to experience this. It’s not a disease. Nothing is “wrong” with me. And it’s not a “gift”, either. It is my particular make-up and anatomy to interact in this way, which supports my intent and purpose in this life.
Because I am a left-cross, I have business with other people. Because I have business with other people, exclusively, my own self is sort of irrelevant for the purpose of my intent. My vehicle is just enough to direct me towards the Other. Whatever Other is before me. And some specific Others as well.
I can see now why I felt so scared of myself. Of what I was doing to cause people I love so much hardship. It’s wasn’t intentional. But that only made it more terrifying.
It was that I had this unconscious power. That I was/am irresponsible. That I am flippant. That I take chances and gamble and am too willful and headstrong. Like a child I charge forward in delight or passion for what I think I want. And disaster followed.
And then I feel slighted. I feel cheated. I feel set-up. Because I am all Air and Fire. How could I be expected to slow down, to consider, to ruminate, ground, and be still!? All I know and am is hot air! But this is the incredulity of the powerless, those without a say in their own destiny and without the freedom to choose. And I am not that one.
I have nothing if not a firey will force.
So that was not an answer for me. The answer is in the astrology, but not in a static reading. It is in the polarity. My air is destined to grow into fire, or water, or earth. My fire is destined to develop into earth, or water, or air. The same signs that “defined” me encourage me to expand and include the Other. And in the same way the empathy that erases me demands that I see myself just as thoroughly and completely as I see the Other.
Loading comments...