Dear God,
I lost a lot of weight during my flight attendant training, but it feels like I’m quickly gaining it back. Yesterday I ate a lot right before bed, and I went to sleep really late. I’m definitely going to be more mindful starting tomorrow.
Well… it’s already tomorrow night.
I saw my friend Jasmine today. She’s a lesbian and either loves me deeply as a friend or may secretly be in love with me. As long as I’m not leading her on and she remembers that I have a boyfriend, we’re okay. Today she jokingly said, “Just remember, I’m always here if you ever decide you like me.” I laughed it off. I even gave her a belt to wear, which I probably won’t ever get back.
When she was here, she wanted to try all of my products. Moments like that remind me why I no longer want people inside my apartment. From now on, I’m going to be better with my time and boundaries. If someone comes over, I’ll be ready to walk out the door instead of hosting inside my space.
Right now, I look like Frankenstein’s wife. I slept with my hair in a braid, but the top of it is sticking up at least three inches high. Maybe I can be her next Halloween now that I know how to achieve this look. I’ll wear a white facial mask and use a charcoal peel-off mask for the black paint design—like a healthy version of face paint that can last throughout the night. Pair it with a black cape and hosiery, and the look will be complete.
I have so much to do today, and I don’t want to procrastinate. I’m sure once I get dressed, things will start to pick up. I just wanted to pray first.
I feel really grateful because I can honestly say that I don’t smoke or drink anymore. My skin has been glowing and clear. My hair feels soft. My body feels less bloated since my appetite isn’t as intense as it used to be—although I still have quite an appetite.
I weighed myself yesterday and went from 107 to 104.5. I thought I would have lost more, but that was it. I’m going to make sure I take my vitamins every day.
Let me take them now… one second.
…Okay, I just took them and laid back down in bed. The film Braveheart is playing in the background while I’m praying. It’s a little distracting, but the music is relaxing—bagpipes, I think. I would love bagpipes and strings in one of my songs someday. I’d call it “Freedom.”
Anyway, I should get out of bed. I really don’t want to. I want so badly to stay here all day.
Tomorrow I have a hair appointment, and afterward I’ll be back in the studio. Today I plan to listen to the song I’m recording over and over again—keeping it on repeat. When I see my parents later, I’ll type out the lyrics and timestamps. I only needed two hours in the studio, but the location is far. Usually I listen to the beat on the way there and what I recorded on the way back home.
But God, I have a very serious request.
There are mice somewhere in my apartment. There is droppings everywhere. Last night when I came home, there were droppings right by my door. When I picked out an outfit from my closet yesterday—again, droppings everywhere.
I don’t want to live like this.
I like where I live. I like my neighbors. I like the structure of my apartment. But when I see a mouse, my whole body fills with stress. When I hear squeaks, I cry. When I see one, I lose feeling in my legs and collapse. I simply cannot handle the sight, the sound, or even the thought of a mouse in my home.
I’ve had about four or five mice since I moved here seven years ago.
I pray that this stops in the name of Jesus. Please help me find the entry point where they’re coming in. Please help pest control handle the situation and give them the willingness and determination to truly help me. Please keep the mice away from me until Tuesday. And please allow me to be home that day—not out of town for work—so I can be present when they come.
Please also protect me as I run my errands today. Getting my clothes altered is a priority, so I will go there first. Then I need to wash my clothes. I also need to learn my song. And if I can fit it in, I need to file for unemployment for the months I was without a job. Please help me recover the funds I lost.
And Lord, please energize me to get things done. I want so badly to stay in bed all day. I want to go to the gym, sit in the sauna, work out, and just relax. But I also have to prepare for work in case I’m called before Monday. I have so many things to unpack from several suitcases (8 suitcases to be exact) and put away. So many things I need to get rid of. So much to do.
Please help me not feel overwhelmed. Let help come when I need it.
Give me the strength to push through any trials and tribulations I may face. Life can be unpredictable, but help me stay close to my faith and remember that You are always by my side.
I pray that my dreams will come true. I pray that You will create a perfect pathway for me. Thank You for protecting me from evil. Thank You for allowing me to succeed even in the face of it.
In Jesus’ name I pray.
Amen.
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