My dreams have been deep lately. I can tell because when I wake up in the night, I’m like, damn. And I stay awake for awhile just trying to integrate what insight or wisdom came through.
And I’m never tried for want of sleep.
You know, that was a great lesson I learned over this summer, when I became accustomed to dreaming-awake, because well, what choice did I really have? I lay awake in bed, all night most nights, and dreamed the most surreal dreams I’ve ever had in my life. They really changed me. My entire attitude about dreaming. My entire outlook on life, what life is, and how it is that we are even able to be here in the first place.
Before this lesson, for which I am extremely grateful btw, I had a very stingy and defensive attitude surrounding sleep. I hated being woken. I felt incredible rage any time I was woken up. And, this was an extreme challenge with small children. I’m sad to say, my rage at being woken did not subside one iota because of my children. I knew, intellectually of course, that my rage was displaced. But the rage was there and experienced nonetheless.
Over this last summer, I have become so gentle in my feelings. I have become so refined in my thoughts. And I don’t, and cannot, take any credit for this whatsoever. I view it as a gift bestowed upon me. Perhaps because I asked… But I think not. I think it was grace. Divine grace and a response perhaps, to some intent that had become even then sufficiently clear and decisive enough for the Heirarchies to form a bridge for me. It is they who do everything. Everything. I am a mere observer. A spectator. I can only direct my awareness. But when my awareness is directed upon intent, the Heirarchies may in their infinite wisdom and grace, oblige.
The less we need, the more we’ll have.
This is something that came through to me in the last weeks. It has seemed as though we lost much. Husband in jail. Terminated from his job. Denied his leave pay-meaning no severance whatsoever. Denied unemployment. And yet, with each piece with each new loss… There was something gained. Something intangible and yet far more real than money, jobs, govt benefits or anything like that. Something else stepped in. It’s presence has been palpable, and if not welcomed, at least known. Now, I think I actually welcome it. Whatever it is. Like, bring on the loss! If it means that a presence of this magnitude and magnificence is with me. If it means that this presence is with us and anchored, who needs money?
My awareness has been shifted, not by me, but by the patience and grace of those guiding me. I am able to so palpably percieve the treasure of hardship that it has become love of hardship. Not in any masochistic way. But in a truly fulfilling way.
Steiner has said that we can come to love our karma, because we can recognize how close it brings us to the Christ.
Loading comments...