It’s been about 14 years since I’ve written an entry here, so I thought I’d post a short update. OD died again, so I couldn’t write there anymore even if I wanted to. Not that I was writing all that often in the first place. But I plan to start writing regularly, sort of in the Writer’s Way style, although I obviously won’t be using a pen and paper and I’m not planning on holding myself to a certain number of pages, or characters I guess, in this case.
My life has been as much of a mess since I wrote here last as it was then, although I am trying to get my stuff together. At the moment, everything is pretty difficult and stressful for me, as I am unemployed and I have two African grey parrots to take care of and I’m running out of money. I’m applying for multiple jobs every day, and I’m using both Linked In and Indeed. Eventually, I’m bound to be offered an opportunity, but in the mean time I’m dealing with constant stress. If my savings ever get to a certain point, I’ve decided to apply for unemployment.
I’m living with my dad, so that makes things a little bit easier. I’m really grateful to him for letting me live here. But still, I don’t want to get unemployment, and I don’t want to borrow money. The usual costs are due for me every month just like they are for most people. Phone bill, internet bill, bird food, my food, car insurance. I drive so little that I can go for a full month or longer without needing gas. So that’s good, I guess.
All of the jobs I’m applying for are remote jobs, because my birds require too much care for me to be spending 10 hours a day away from them working at an office. I imagine those are in higher demand these days than they once were, at least since the Backstreet Boys reunion tour (Covid). Most of them are customer service related in some way. I have 11 and a half years experience in that field, so that’s why I still have some hope. Either way, though, if I have to get unemployment I will, and I’ll just keep applying.
I don’t want to commute any more. I’m done with that.
Recently I’ve decided to go back to church and quit drinking and smoking and whatever other bad habits I had that were keeping me away. For one thing, I’m too old for substance abuse anymore. My body just can’t take it the way it used to. And I have my birds to consider. I want to be alive as long as possible for them. They live as long as people do, my type of birds at least. Also, I needed another outlet for…I don’t know what. My anxiety, my unhappiness, my lack of direction and focus.
I don’t know if I wrote about this already in OD or not, not that it matters anymore since I didn’t save any of my entries (I didn’t really care to), but I was asked to play the flute in a Christmas program this guy in the church puts on every year. So for a month or so I was practicing every day so I could execute the performance, which thankfully ended up going well, and just so I could relearn how to play the flute and develop my tone and vibrato and get the muscles in my body built up a bit. Since the performance I haven’t been playing at all, but I’m thinking of picking it up again. Playing the flute every day is like therapy. It clears your mind and calms your anxiety. Exercise does that too. So does writing. But the air here has been so crappy that I haven’t wanted to go out unless I have to. Also, I’m lazy.
Someday I’d like to do something meaningful with my life, like finish the novel I’ve been working on for far too long, getting a big book deal and making millions of dollars and living a life of luxury. But I’d settle for just finishing the novel and having the means to support myself and my bird family. It would be cool to do something with music someday, too. I’ve played the flute since I was 14, played keyboards and bass in bands, and written and recorded (however amateurishly) a bunch of songs that are now lost, although that’s another story. The short version is someone stole my recording device and my ipod, which was the only place the songs were available at the time. If I could accomplish those things, I would be content with my life. It would be nice to write more than just one novel, but you can’t write two if you can’t write one.
Hopefully I’ll make some friends at church. Even though I’m going to the same church I grew up in, the same ward, sort of, I feel like a total stranger. I only know a handful of people. Given enough time I’ll feel more comfortable, I imagine. Anyway, I generally don’t like writing about church stuff because I like to keep that part of my life private. Depending on how I feel here in the future, I may or may not talk more about it.
I guess that’s about all I have to say. My life is a strange mix of stress and boredom. And depression. I eat a lot of rice and beans, waste my time with video games, read, and vegetate watching Vtubers on Twitch. And I hang out with my birds and take care of them all day. At the moment that’s about. And applying for jobs. I spend varying amounts of time doing that. I just try to make sure I apply for at least two jobs a day.
That’s all for now. I will check and see if anyone I knew from OD who came here after it died the first time still write here. There is at least one of you, I know. Alright, bye for now.
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