Had a bit of a Slaughterhouse 5 moment on the way to brunch with the family this Christmas morning. I was driving down the unnaturally empty streets with my wrapped presents and cards in the passenger seat and it just hit me. All the many many times I’ve made this drive, down the same stretch of road, to the same house, to visit the same family.
Most of the same family, at least. I thought about the old days when everyone got gifts for everyone else. I remember stressing about how much everyone would like or not like the gifts I found for them. I remember the lean years when all Keith got was a cheap book from the used book store (he doesn’t even read), and I remember the years I went over the top, gifting my mom a chandelier I made completely out of wire that looked a bit like a massive hanging birds nest, but when illuminated would cast shadows on the walls that looked like thick branches in a forest.
Mostly I think of my Dad on Christmas. Or used to, these last few years. This year, I didn’t so much. Mostly because it didn’t feel much like the Christmas of my childhood anymore. The magic for me is all gone. Watched “The Polar Express” for some reason, at least the beginning of it, and the ridiculous premise about one boy’s lack of faith in the existence of “Santa” (despite being whisked away on a magic train) made me think twice. Are we doing kids a favor with this? There’s no stopping it, of course, and I couldn’t help but spoil with gifts if I had an opportunity, but does it do them any favors in the long run? To lie to them and give them false hope in a magic that they will one day leave behind for a much darker world by comparison.
Spoiling a child with gifts and lying to them about good things in the world that aren’t actually there are two separate micro-traumas, but what is gained for that cost? SOME joy, at least, at some point in their lives- however fleeting? Fair enough.
There’s two kinds of people in the world- net positives, and net negatives. People who are net positives produce a consistent effort in life to generate enough resources to completely take care of themselves, and have at least something left over to contribute to others. Net negatives, for reasons that are most often beyond their control (this isn’t a judging game, just a numbers game), do not produce enough on their own to quite take care of themselves, and so need (at least a little) help. Because I think it is incumbent upon anyone who is a net positive to be both wise and kind with their resources. Don’t frivolously purchase goods explicitly for your own amusement with money that could literally keep someone from getting thrown onto the streets. Be smart. Be aware. And do your local civic duty.
Your soul won’t miss the money, and it will thank you. Kindness is a grassroots organization. Like Mother Theresa said “there are no great deeds, only small deeds with great love”
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