It’s almost 3:00 AM and I have insomnia again. I realized I’ve only written twice this year (other than now). I really need to keep more of a journal. My memory isn’t very good these days and I can’t remember events of the year as well. Maybe it would help if I wrote about each day in a journal. Of course, that would be another task that I’d have to add to my day… Which is why I rarely write nowadays, although I do wish I had as much to say as I used to.
I think, mostly, my life is pretty mundane and that suits me but I don’t tend to write about it. I get excited over small things. I have a collection of Cherished Teddies that I’ve thrifted over the last few years and looking at them makes me happy. I’ve seen a Downey woodpecker at my bird feeder several times lately and it’s so thrilling. There are a pile of unopened presents that my kids have been picking up and inspecting, with their sly grins and guesses. The pug snores loudly and she’s so cozy and warm. Sometimes she will choose to lay on me. It is very nice. M’s hugs always feels like home. He plays his guitar and I love to sit and listen. All these things are daily occurrences so I don’t think to record them. But part of me worries that someday I won’t remember them.
Life is so transient and sometimes I am okay with that, and sometimes I fret over how difficult I feel it is to hold onto time. It keeps going by faster and faster. I might even be more than halfway through it. I think, ultimately, I am okay with that. But I still have more to do.
In fact, I’ve just finished four books in the last month or so. That’s the most I’ve read in a long time. As a former avid reader and Accelerated Reader elementary school student, I am quite proud that I’ve been back to my old habits. I think my health (or lack thereof) is no longer taking over my life and I’m so thankful for that.
Recently I’ve read:
- Legends and Lattes - Travis Baldree
- Witchcraft for Wayward Girls - Grady Hendrix
- Bookshops and Bonedust - Travis Baldree
- Paperbacks from Hell - Grady Hendrix
- Two Ruby Dixon books I’m too embarrassed to list here (but I’ll reveal they are part of the Ice Planet Barbarians series… Okay, actually I’m on book 13 in tbe series. I’ve let you in on a secret now).
To be quite honest, I have had a romance novel habit for a number of years. I never talked about it, but it appears to be becoming more mainstream. M is the only partner I never hid it from. He’s the only person who I’ve ever really trusted to be myself with. He just completely accepts me, quirks and all. I didn’t think that was a thing that could happen for me. I like it.
He showed me some messages on his Microsoft Teams chat with his work friend. It was about how he has ideas to propose to me. But then he wouldn’t let me read details! Now I get to live 2026 with anxious anticipation! 😭 I am admittedly an oblivious person and he could easily pull something past me and I wouldn’t suspect. Sigh.
Anyway, I’m sure you all want to know how my low libido issue is going (lol). I went off birth control at the advice of my doctor and I feel so much better. Aside from the discomfort of my luteal phase every month, along with very painful cramps (which is why I got on birth control in the first place). It is not the best tradeoff, but I’ll probably just stay off of it for awhile. I’m glad i feel better. I still think perimenopause is likely not too far into my future though. Bleh.
Also I do want to get pregnant at some point, just not right now. I hope I didn’t just jinx myself.
I’m the highest weight I’ve ever been non-pregnant so I’d like to keep working on that. I’ve been working out since July but I started using weights in September. I have only lost like 2-3 pounds. When I was younger it was much easier, aside from when I was breastfeeding. It was nearly impossible to lose weight while I was breastfeeding, oddly enough. A lot of my old clothes haven’t fit me for quite awhile. I am telling myself to focus on setting myself up for success health-wise as I get older. I also have less general aches/pains and stiffness, which is nice! Although tonight my knees ache and I did feel stiff trying to walk around earlier today. But it happens less now that I’m working out regularly, and there is no cure for my autoimmune condition so it will inevitably happen sometimes.
I am sort of okay with my body composition. It’s a work in progress. I’ve never felt great about my body (even though I had a body type for most of my life that was considered “attractive”). Now I have boobs and thighs. I marvel at all the things my body does for me (this thing works overtime, tell ya what). I am excited that I can tell I am getting stronger. That’s pretty cool.
At work I’m wading through UK and EU medical device regulations and it’s melting my brain. I’m so glad for a week off next week. I actually do like my job though. I like that I like my job (but more importantly, I enjoy receiving money). After all, I need the cash to purchase concert tickets (Dethklock, Amon Amarth, AFI, Neko Case, and some other folks are coming here fairly soon and I SO missed going to shows! I missed it so damn much!)
It’s 3:30 AM… I have a busy upcoming day. Have a wonderful holiday, friends. ♥️ I’m thankful for this community.
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