The county recorders office and
Out of some background haze a woman greeted me at the counter. “What can I do for you today?” She asked.
I gave her the quilt claim deed. She tried to read it and said something about the light glare, moved to a different desk. She didn’t ask any questions, which is unusual.
I remembered the last few times I was there. I had felt a lot of anxiety. I Recapitulated right then and there, since the memory was so present. I felt no self consciousness whatsoever doing the breathing. I don’t think anyone even noticed.
The woman brought the papers to the main desk and community about how she must need glasses. She started ringing up the recording fee with no questions asked. I felt a certain internal elation. I remembered that the Toltecs say that a nagual has the effect of displacing the assemblage point of anyone in their proximity. Am I a nagual?
It was not that she was doing what I wanted, which was nice. It was that I didn’t even have to try. I was just following an inexplicable urge. That still, silent speaker which seems to move through me. Doing things almost for me as I witness. I feel a profound connectedness and almost transcendental peace to which there seems to be some law that the universe respond must respond to. And I don’t mean at some time in the future. I mean right now. Instantaneous response. I remember what the Toltecs say about the flow state; a state of Dreaming -awake in perfect harmony with Spirit. Am I dreaming-awake?
I walked out as much, or more, in a dream as I walked in.
I feel so much more understanding of the Castaneda material. I question what is real and what I question is not my feelings. It is the social conditioning. What I question and feel as discordant with my natural being is the overlay of mind thought. I remember what the Toltecs say about dreaming being a state of no-mind. And, that even Blavotsky conceded that the mind/ego is a construct of the Archons/flyers who use humanity as an energy source.
I wonder, often, how I escaped the depth of conditioning which so many suffer from. I don’t ever remember being willing to reject examining something. Most especially my own inner voices, or the question of if they might now be my voices at all. It seems, and always has, quite reckless to assume anything.
I had a vision this morning. Of my luminous egg. And how, as I extend my belief into stories - any story at all including that I am a human being, physical body, have thoughts, that I feel the cold harshness of frozen ice against my skin - that story requires me to extend a small piece of my luminosity in order to hold it. The story - which is belief - requires that my awareness examine it to the exclusion of any other perception.
But then, one might argue, you can go back. But, not really since time does not exist. We actually cannot consider a belief and still be open minded to the alternatives. One cannot at once be terrified for their life and consider that they are an infinite, immortal soul that need not fear death. You see? We leave our energy in the belief. And until we learn to Recapitulate, our energy stays in the belief.
And so comes Redemption.
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