As I began to review my list from just under a month ago, I feel struck by the first line. I didn’t read any further. I feel impressed upon, and awe.
I don’t even remembered writing this, but the first thing on the list is, when I think of doing something and don’t do it. Number one on things that drain my energy.
I feel awe at the aspect of the effortless change. One might expect that to be impeccable consists of working very hard. I recall the consistent message now of Florinda Donner; dreaming is not the difficulty, the difficulty is in having the energy to dream. For this one must mange their energy impeccably. Everything one does must be in pursuit of impeccability.
A part of me wonders why I find this work so easeful. I wonder… But I know, too, that my challenges have been great. Perhaps in many ways, my challenges provided a benefit.
I am struck, too, by how much I have changed my life. It seems quite trite from the outside. But, quitting coffee after a decade and a half is quite an accomplishment. As well as, I started getting up before dawn after all my life sleeping as long as possible. I started meditating religiously. I no longer dissociate. I no longer distract myself. I am beginning to experience a certain freedom in spontaneity; that is, I do not have the same reliance on routine and habit to feel safe. I do not need routine and habit anymore.
I have always remembered my dreams. The last month hasn’t been different in that regard, but I have experienced a peculiar lucidity. A certain quality of being in a dream within a dream. Some of this, perhaps, may be the fact we’ve been in Scorpio for this entire period since I started “tracking”. And, I have a particular strength and affinity in Scorpio 🦂 as does all all of my generation.
There are other smaller things, like giving my things away, even things I relied on daily that were precious to me. I don’t fully know why I did that. But I have an idea that I needed to in order to feel what it was like. And I don’t regret it in the least.
Another enormously gratifying change is my attitude toward money, or value, and peace. It’s incredible. I remember when I broke through that particular “money is evil” belief, and suddenly acquired a deal of money. And now, money is ease, and brings peace, feel like a similarly profound breakthrough.
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