I don’t want to go back to work.
That’s it. That’s the entry.
I feel like if I didn’t have to work I’d be much more… I was going to say “productive”, but that’s not right. Let’s say “involved”. I have this thing in my head, it’s like commitment-phobia. I’m afraid if I commit to something (a few hours on a specific night of the week for example), I’m always going to want to be somewhere else. Because mostly I just don’t want to leave my house. And if I didn’t spent 8h/day doing shit for other people’s goals, I’d actually feel more generous with my time.
But that’s not the world we live in. So I will continue to dream about winning the lottery.
Our holiday was… a little rough.
I don’t think I’ve written about the medical stuff that has come to light lately. This fall I was diagnosed with PCOS. So I started some meds to help undo the effect. They made me really nauseous. Then I was put on another med that also messed with my stomach, and appetite.
And lastly, right before the holiday started I was prescribed birth control (the patch), also to undo some of the effects of perimenopause, and PCOS.
Well the bc made me even more sick. To the point where I was nauseous all the time, the only meal I could reliably eat was breakfast. And on 3 separate days I threw up at dinner time. Unfortunately one of the days was Christmas Day, and I threw up our turkey dinner. After the third time I puked I removed the patch. I’m going to have to talk to my NP to try to get this sorted out. I didn’t want to have to take another pill but maybe that’s the way it’s going to have to be.
Then there was M’s moods. His latest meds seem to be doing something, but it’s not enough to stop his mood or temper from breaking through.
We did manage to have a fair amount of good, chill, easy time together. And some excellent sexy time. It would be nice if our time together wasn’t underpinned by M’s mood and my gut issues.
I don’t even know what I’m going to say when someone asks me how my holiday went. “Great. I puked a bunch.” Obviously not. This is one of those situations where I never realize in the moment that people are asking the question as a courtesy and not because they actually care about the answer. Which makes me a little fighty. I don’t ask the question unless I give a shit about the answer. But yeah, apparently I’m the one with the broken brain.
Highlights:
~ On Christmas Day we watched Elf and Klaus, and it was perfect.
~ I spent many days helping Mandy prepping to move out of her house. It was gratifying.
~ We also got on a “haunted animatronics” kick thanks to the release of Five Nights at Freddy’s 2. We’ve watched FNAF and FNAF2, Willy’s Wonderland, and on the weekend we’re going to wrap it up with Banana Splits.
~ New Years Eve we maintained our tradition of Fucking In The New Year.
~ We were supposed to see Bastet after New Year but she got snowed in, so we’ve rescheduled
~ I completed the 13 magical nights and I’m really excited because the intention that I got is one that I’m super motivated for - “I play a role in the development of the Positive Space Ambassador Program”. I should have a meeting regarding that coming up in a week or two.
~ The Bronch Clob finally met up again and it was really nice.
~ Today I got my prism glitch hair back, it looks SO GOOD.
Despite the… well frankly “life” that happened over the holiday it was still nice to be home, spending lots of quality time with M, reading comics, watching movies, banging, and having impromptu/accidental naps while reading.
This week hasn’t even started for me and I already can’t wait for the weekend (even though I’m on duty at least I’ll be home).
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