I entirely “misused” my free Tuesday. I took Veterans Day to sleep in, take naps, get take away pizza, and intensely play Mass Effect 3. I got all of the grindy achievements and now require only three more actions for… the ones I care to get. I acknowledge that there is some valid judgment against me for actively opting to not get Difficulty Based Achievements. It is something I started with Outer Worlds. Outer Worlds has a truly fascinating mode where your ability to eat, drink, and sleep isn’t “bonuses” but required… where your companion getting shot doesn’t mean “they’ll respawn” but are dead, truly dead. It is fascinating as it “saddles” the player with the ultimate Role Playing Caution: This is real for those inside of this world and therefore they must act as though they were real inside of this world. As much as I loved the idea (and still do), alongside the Reality Requirements there was a higher difficulty. Required. So, it wasn’t “add reality and keep playing”… it was “add reality, increase the shielding and toughness of enemies, decrease the shielding and toughness of the player, and make the AI smarter.” And that was the only way to play the Reality Requirements version! SO.... yeah. Gave myself some grace for not completing the challenges associated with that game mode. For Mass Effect Legendary, I am intending to complete all games individual trophy lists (almost complete with that) and giving myself a pass on the Legendary Trophy List. There are three Legendary trophies, one for each game completed on INSANITY difficulty. I was already swearing at the game for some crap playing Normal Mode. As much as I get that it is “a pussy move, bro”… I am to the age and temperament where- video games are an attempt to leave frustration and rage at work; I’m not actively seeking to add the frustration and rage into my experience.
An odd, potentially important addition
I, sometimes, think that RPGs can have mechanics that say more about you than even a Meyers-Briggs test. Whether that is Given an open world model where you can do anything; how do you treat people who cannot benefit you? or something silly like Given that you can access any weapon through history; what weapon(s) do you choose as your main?… I think there is benefit and insight. For my own playing usually? To the first: I am benevolent but I put stock into manipulating and stealing from them- I’ll be kind and caring; but use charm to get information and steal from their homes to get more gold. To the second: Almost always a bladed melee weapon and a bow and arrow.... pistol and a sniper rifle if more modernity is required. BUT Mass Effect was always a game beckoning with an interesting look into in game romance! According to my recent research, over the course of all three games there are 19 different romance options… some available only to Male Main Characters, some available only to Female Main Characters, some available to either… and some are truly romance options that will require loyalty and emotional investment, whereas others are fling romance options that will lead to a brief “roll in the hay” but not require loyalty or have significant story beats. Into this falls interesting choices that I think reveal information about the player!
Prior to playing Legendary Edition, I had only ever played Mass Effect 1. And the character I most wanted to romance was actually not a romance option!! There was a quarrian, a species that was driven off their home world and wear protective suits at all times, including obscuring their faces. Three toed, three fingered beings- Tali’Zorah nar Rayya is an early character integral to the player’s story. She is on her “pilgrimage” which is when a quarrian becoming an adult must venture outside of their Ship-Colony to experience the world, and come back with something of value for the Colony. I liked how she looked, I liked her personality, I liked the voice and accent. I was bummed that she was not a romanceable option. SO, now playing all three games… I was very happy to see that I could take a romance story approach to Tali in the 2nd and 3rd games; and did as such with my current playthrough. Whereas my first Shephard run was as an attractive but asexual woman..... this Shephard was designed to try to look like me and be “all in” on his relationship with Tali. I accidentally almost got into a relationship with Jack which… also makes sense and says a lot about me. If we want to paint Tali with a more “ingenue” brush; Jack is the cynical, tattooed, hard hearted kickass woman stereotype. And it really does say me all over to be pursuing the mysterious, soft-spoken, intelligent, community-focused ingenue… and almost ruin that chance by accidentally setting something up with the opinionated, hard-hearted, independent tattooed-badass. I do believe that accurately depicts me, if maybe not today.... that is Chris in High School & College. But I course-corrected after Jack became more open about developing feelings (perfectly in character, that revelation came, not from an admission of feelings, but from an accusation about how much time I was spending with Tali) and got the Tali Romance situation I had hoped for. And it was the relationship I expected it to be. Supportive but with conflict; sexy in the anticipation not just the completion; a connection between two characters despite different species. I kicked myself for not in-game recording the big romantic moments so I could watch them again after the game was over. And while I lack the specific words or knowledge to go into detail.... I truly believe that it reveals SOMETHING about me that romancing Tali was my big aspiration for the series.
In the real world, I experienced something.... that surprised me. Boo isn’t giving me a lot of options. Not that I’m terribly surprised… none of the other dating apps were/are giving me many options so adding another one into the mix doesn’t suddenly alter reality. But Boo was giving me a lot more options in and around the area.... that were below my age requirements. Which is new. Typically, I get options above my age requirements as though the apps were literally saying “30 to 45 year olds don’t need apps; but women over 45 sure do!” Boo was now sending me several options of interesting, attractive women interested in video games or comic books or anime..... that were between 18 and 24! And I will admit, with some of these profiles? I hesitated much longer than I anticipated before saying no. I did say no. I’ve typically had a rule of “I would like my partner to be born in the same millennia as me.” Whereas a 20 year age difference is less meaningful between a 60 year old and an 80 year old; I can’t quite see it as non-predatory for a 41 year old to be dating a 21 year old! But truly… based largely on the profiles (and not just the appearances)… there were some 21 and 22 year olds on Boo that I actually sat with in my head for a minute or two before hitting X. So, I suppose it is no surprise that this opinion piece comes onto my algorithm today: Voices: I’m with Florence Pugh- what women really want is an age gap. And, I admit, I do somewhat wonder.... I love stories. Thus theater and anime and video games as outlets for story and different mediums that can tell different stories in unique ways.... not too many Americans seem to know Kabuki and Bunraku and Rakugo at all let alone that they are all 3 very different theater performance types! And the women in their 40s all want to talk about travel… where have you gone, what have you done, where are you going next? And.. sure… I’ve traveled to Germany and Austria, I visited Bermuda, I snorkeled in Mexico, I climbed Haystack Rock in Oregon… I can share “travel stories”.... but every single one of them comes from before I reached the age of 25. I don’t have Adult Travel stories… my Wife didn’t like to travel, I have a job that you can’t be away from for long… I don’t have these “Traveled to Brazil/Japan/Ukraine/France” trip anecdotes that, apparently, every 40 something I’ve bought dinner for has. So an “immature” woman who can speak cogently about Life is Strange or explain how Your Lie in April made her weep and learn to appreciate tragedy in beauty… certainly feels like potentially more my speed. Not to mention I am more likely to run into “Not a mom, but hoping to be one someday” by dating Gen Zers. I don’t know. Part of me is pulling towards the, “At 41, with your luck… you should just flirt with anyone you can and hope it doesn’t lead you somewhere you don’t want to be”… part of me is pulling towards the, “At 41, with your luck… you should be as discerning as possible and reserve your energy and attention to strictly people who actually interest you.” But ultimately at the end of the day? I’m trying to simply be aware of and accept the reality of the present moment. The apps aren’t working. The matchmaker didn’t work out. While I do those things, I can either add “going to the bar” to try to help my chances.... I can add going to Church to try to help my chances… I can try to be in more than 2 to 3 shows a year so at least I’m using my time on my hobby… I can use my time to try to keep pushing on house projects… I can use my time to try to get a different job (though I’d honestly need an entirely new skillset and potentially different education)… I have… all sorts of potential options.... I just need to figure out which, if any, of my current aspirations I actually care about most… and if, if any, I can actually do anything about.
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