Quietude in Journal

My energy is off the charts. I’m in my feeling body almost all the time. Not that mind and thought doesn’t rear up and take over, but, it’s increasingly obvious, discordant, and easily moved through with gentle acceptance.
I have received everything that I’ve asked for in the last year.
Everything.
Many small things are resurfacing, now. Mental, emotional, physical. It’s coming up and I notice it. But, I notice it as something outside of my own Self which has risen to the top to be exposed. Like boiling water exposes impurities; they rise to the top and reveal these as something which is not me, but which I may have confused as me.
I, for the first time in many years, experienced a violent and gruesome vision. This vision was very intense, as they all are, but shorter in duration than those of the past. I became aware of it nearly instantly, but there was that moment, a moment of pure belief in the experience, that I perceived it and felt it fully in all the horror and terror that such an image brings. Then, it was gone.
I feel okay for the first time in my life. More than okay. I feel held in a soft, deep, love; I feel in my body knowledge that I am cherished. I live in the feelings which are within and are me. I remember earlier this year, in my true vulnerable feeling self, crying to a coach that “I just want to feel okay” I feel more than okay. I feel fullness.
I wanted the tax man to leave us alone. I wanted my husband to stand up for us. He did.
I wanted resources with which to live and create in the world… And I realized that my connection to my feeling body has been so profound throughout my entire life. It’s why I always remember my dreams. It’s why my dreams are in color, I can feel, taste, smell and heat, and even create through my feeling body whatever I am resonating with. It is a gift that I have always had, but never quite realized until just now.