Jake paid for an SUV for me $3500. The insurance paid out $1500 on Denzel.... and another loved car gone.... and we move on. A work friend of Rocky’s .... or at least a work acquaintance that heard of his plight of having to share a car with his wife..... They sold him a 2005 Ford Escape it has a few problems we will fix as soon as we can. Jake bought me a 2010 Mercury Mariner. Mine is the Mariner, a dark blue, and his is the same make and model he was driving when we met lol.... so that’s kinda funny....
I was down to 50% acceptence on Doordash and a few more days off than I wanted but.... next chapter please.... I’d really not like to borrow anymore money for awhile. I am sickened at how much we have borrowed and ..... all I can do is throw myself into the work and try to get a day off here and there.... New goal is $755 a week .... assuming Rocky can at least cover groceries..... and that Jake can pay the $500 we are asking of him just before mortgage is due..... he’s been doing a great job.... but we talked a bit about me paying it back by not charging rent till it’s caught up .... but also me paying $200 a month cause I can’t stand the idea of nat giving him something..... we are going to have to have a real conversation about it when he gets home cause that’s a big thing on my mental stability right now......
Home from what? He’s going to a wedding “Out of town” ..... he’s getting a hotel room with Tabitha, her daughter(her name is also Allysa as is Destiny’s youngest), and her daughter’s boyfriend Tony. So obviously they will be sleeping together..... though maybe not having sex.... he will be gone for the weekend.... but.... it’s Thursday so I think he’s coming back tonight?!?! shrugs
I told Jake that I am no longer in love with him. He looked a bit dejected but said it was okay. Literally, the next day he told me he was in love with Tabitha. We have talked a bit about it and he says it started to wain after he didn’t get a DNA test done for Cian. I would agree because he made it seem like money was the obstical and when that wasn’t a problem he’s saying he will have wasted 10 years if Cian is not his. I can’t wrap my head around it..... you are investing in a child you believe to be yours. When looking at it from the outside it adds to your good qualities..... but you don’t know if he’s yours and it’s a problem on your mental health. Fix it. Get some hard evidence.... well 99% accurate evidence and get it sorted. .... NO INVESTMENT IN A CHILD IS WASTED TIME!!!!! and I feel like that’s a good hill to die on..... but so much more....
It hurts me to think how crazy good we have been.... or when I think about all the things he does that if I knew someone did I could never date them lol..... I guess having Rocky makes me more picky.... I’ve been able to handle most of Rocky’s little personality flaws and quiks..... Jake’s been helpping with the dishes and Rocky was really helpful in getting the laundry through recently. Ah, that’s only a thing because Jake broke the lint filter. He bought a new one with only minor objection..... i was bothered and woke by the sound in the dryer.... so I got up to check and sure enough it was IN the dryer and broken..... Jake had put it in tehre so he bought the replacment piece and kinda complained about it..... I sent a link to a group chat so someone could get the right one..... and it wasn’t.... likely my fault trying to find it on amazon at 1am.... then Rocky tried to order it and Jake returned the part.... Rocky put in the wrong card.... and it took a few more days to figure that out.... Then the holiday..... and ulimately ....
other than owing Jake a bunch of money I really feel like I’ve got to focus on being OKAY.... that working is all I can do till we get caught up and I get him paid back.... if that means -$500 a month to the housenote.... I’ll buck up and work harder.... and everytime I think I’m working hard enough and I can’t do anymore..... I do.... I just do....
Jake wants to contribute more monetarily but .... I’ve been where he is and my brother didn’t say a thing. I just want him to stabelize…he’s going to run out of money and go back to not being about to just throw money at something and fix it. .... . he’s been crazy with this money.... taking people to eat all the time.... Paying for a huge favor for everyone so that they are in debt to him in some way..... When I take everything and divide it by 3 I should be asking more like $550 and him not paying for anything he doesn’t use.... like Netflix, internet, my Spotify, CrunchyRoll, or helping with anything like house supplies or car insurance that’s not his.... but I’m really starting to think we are going to have to talk about it because the last 2 days I’ve come home and the lights in the kitchen and laundry room have been left on..... all day.... all DAY.... ALL DAY!!…Worst is I talked to him about it yesterday and it happened again today. and here we ar trying to sort out some bullshit.... a month behind because I wasn’t getting bills.... just shut off notices… it’s all sorted now… and needs to be paid again before the housenote..... apparenlty, I didn’t pay the water last month either and I’m thinking because of the stress of the vehicle situations.... I seriously don’t know where we would be if Jake hadn’t been here to help and I want to just let everything go and forgive him for lies that he’s told me to woo me.... how about I swore he told me he played in band .... and could teach me to play guitar.... but neither are true..... his favorite color is different everytime you ask him.... He’s always trying to get away with he said “xxxx” when I’d said it....I just let it pass around other people because it’s never anything harmful.
I feel like he’s mocking me all the time. He says ” I wish I could work all day without a break like you do.” ...... Who wants that? I don’t do it cause I want to.... when Dashing is good I want to stay on.... 7-9:30am 10:30-2pm..... the in between time isn’t great but somedays it’s still busy.... I”m not fucking around…I can’t loose eveything I’ve built because I needed affection..... and I”m not getting what I expected.... he says we should have a contract..... Who is he? a contract like “Ok Sheldon” about what is expected..... I”m getting all riled up.... Not what I wanted to do with my afternoon.....
Dest sent over a diamond painting she’d like to have me finish because she accidently ordered it in square instead of rounds and I LOVE square and she hates them..... but I’d like to get it done before Oct. 25 because Jake wants to throw a Halloween party.... so there’s that to look forward to and prepare for....
I’m going to work on it now. I’ll have to start diner soon.....
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