M goes for surgery tomorrow. He’s terrified. I’m anxious. It’s a fairly standard procedure (ureteroscopy), but he’s afraid of the anaesthetic. I mean, they’re also operating on his dick, so that’s gotta be weighing on him too. Recovery takes between a week to a month depending on how long they keep the stent in.
Two things have come out of this, personally.
One: Work
My boss fully expects me to attend a course in another province next week. Surgery is Wednesday, I would have to fly Sunday. M has a follow up appointment on Monday that I stated I wanted to attend. I’ve been given compassionate leave until Friday but I was also expected to bring my laptop home and book my flights while M is recovering.
I brought my laptop home, but I fully intend on leaving it in my car until I return to work. I fully do not intend on going on this course. They’ll offer it again, it’s not the end of the world.
Two: Friends
I haven’t heard from my friend group since I messaged them that M was in the hospital. I have been pretty bummed by the lack of care displayed - it has been almost a week and crickets? - and I polled an online community and it seems most people think I’m over reacting… But a small portion of the respondents supported my thoughts that this is unusual behaviour for a friends.
Today I reached out, saying M is going for surgery and that I was bummed I haven’t heard from anyone. Red replied, “It’s been a real bad couple weeks all around… I think we’re all very maxxed”. Which… sure, yeah, I don’t know anyone having a good time in this fucking hellscape but this is a spouse in the hospital and requiring surgery, it’s kind of different than the usual bullshit of life.
I asked Bird Guy and he was like, ehhh give her the benefit of the doubt. But when I told him this is a pattern of hers, where I come to her with something upsetting she has this tendency to be like “well my life is hard too”. Like, when I came to her with my ADHD dx and she was basically like “yeah I’ve been neurodivergent forever” (which is super irritating that lately her line as been “woe is me I’m the sole neurotypical in a group of neurodivergents my life is so chaotic because of their brains”)
Talking with Bird Guy I realized that this relationship dissolving is one of the reasons I’ve been so ok with the idea of moving back to the home province.
That makes me sad.
I can’t settle into any task rn. I tried painting, hated it. Tried reading, couldn’t focus. Ate something, feel queasy now… I just don’t think anything is going to feel good until tomorrow is over and M is home safe with me again.
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