I'm feeling quite strange today. Uneasy, I'd describe it as.
It makes sense. I'm in for surgery in six days. At least, I hope that's what happening, lol. All I know is I have an appointment at 9am. I rang the hospital on Tuesday to confirm the appointment. The girl said I'm booked in. I asked if there's anything I need to do beforehand, and she said no, I just turn up and fill out a few forms on the day. She said they may get me to have a few scans. I have to bring my Medicare card. That card is what will be saving me about $12,000. I just had to wait a year and a half. I felt too stupid to even ask her, "Will I actually be having surgery on that day?" so I didn't, and am just assuming I am.
The only good thing about being such an overthinker, is that I'm generally prepared for a lot of (ie, most) scenarios. It's not a fun way to live, but it's how my brain's currently wired. From the minute I found out I'd been given an appointment date, my mind has been in overdrive. Surprise surprise. No amount of meditation is stopping this, although I'm hoping it will. I'm working myself up more than what the actual reality may even be. However, it did kind of work out for me this morning. I went into the Chemist Warehouse across the road and bought a few mobility aids. They had one left of each of the three things I think I'll be needing after my surgery. So I now have a walking frame, a shower seat and a reacher-grabby thing. Not cheap, but I over-thought that too. I could have hired them for slightly cheaper, but a) I don't know how long I'll need each mobilty aid for, and b) I'd have to get an Uber/Taxi to transport them to and from my place, a lot further away, when I'm all recovered. I decided purchasing them from across the road is just easier in my situation. I don't have to return them. I think I'll just take them out to my mum's place, as I'll want to visit her anyway in maybe September? I'll see how I go. Anyway, the point is, I now have them and I was lucky to get the last ones, as their website was saying they were out of stock. I did two trips, carrying them back home. They are taking up space in my room, as I don't need them for a few more days, but I've already assembled the shower-seat and am quite happy with it, and I'll assemble the walker tomorrow. Me being me, I'll practice with them also before I'm even on one leg. It's a shame I can't practice with crutches, but I figured there's no point buying those until I leave the hospital with them.
What is crazy is noticing how many people are on crutches this week. I've seen at least four people, out and about and at work. One guy today was even using the forearm crutches, which my mum said she much preferred over the under-arm ones. He looked a bit awkward walking with them, but I did read they are better for shorter distances. I'm still thinking the underarm ones would be better for me, so I can get out and about after a few days, for my damn mental health more than anything.
This is all stressing me out. I went to gym this afternoon, but I really wasn't feeling it. I did two exercises and left. I've felt depression creeping in tonight, so that's fun. Coupled with the anxiety, that's fun. I'm also hating how cold it is. Like, absolute hatred. I have three more days of work next week before I'm off. Working right up until my surgery date. My workmates have been lovely, espeically the older ladies I work with. One said to text her and she'll come grab coffee with me after work. The other even said that if I can't handle things on my own, that she'll come and get me and I can stay at her house! I guess they've been around long enough that they are all too used to what recovering from surgeries is like.
When I sit and think logically about this, I know that I won't know for sure what my surgery is like until I speak to the surgeon. For all I know, I could still be partially weight-bearing (but I doubt it). That would change everything if I am, but I'd be surprised. The only reason I think this is that in all the non-weight-bearing videos I've been watching (yep, really tryna prepare here!), everyone has had a broken/fractured foot in them, so obviously they can't have any weight. One of the ladies at work said that with hip surgeries, the patient needs to start walking again the very next day. So, it would make logical sense, to me, that my knee being half-way between, mathematically, should be partially weight-bearing :P Anyway, I can hold on to hope.
My housemate has already told me that he'll be away from August 11-15th. I joked with him that he may come home to find me collapsed on the floor. But it'll be a welcome relief, as he always seems to be home. I never feel like a get a break from him! It's cos he works from home a hell of a lot. And is a homebody. At least I leave the house to go to work, which is a blessing in itself sometimes. He's not the type of person who would help me too much if I had a fall. Like, he may ring the ambulance? I joked with him, "Is that why your marriage ended?" But he agreed with me that it probably was, since his ex-husband is now with some young play-thing who will actually take care of him, wheras he just wouldn't.
I bit the back of my tongue on Sunday before work, so that was fun. I was complaining to one of the ladies that I wish I'd done this next week instead, so I could even out the pain a little.
Speaking of pain, I got my tax out of the way today, so I don't have to stress about that while I'm on pain-killers. My estimate says I owe the tax office $11.40. That's better than the $300+ it was last year. Maybe putting extra into my Super paid off? So hard to tell how they worked it out. I haven't received a refund in many years now. Nothing like being in one of the most overly taxed countries on the planet, and having to pay even more when the time comes each year. But, as they say, two things we can't avoid in life are death and taxes.
Speaking of, that's one of the books I bought, to keep my occupied whilst I'm a cripple the next few weeks. I bought four books. I considered getting a gaming system (like the Switch 2) or something, but I'm really not much of a gamer, and once I waste money on an expensive gaming system, then I have to waste even more money on games for the damn thing. So books and TV shows will be my thing, I'm thinking. I'm quite anxious about being anxious, already, during this upcoming period. I'm quite worried about my mental health, if I'm honest. I'm going to have even more time to over-think, and thinking about that, is quite concerning.
It's not fun being in my head, babes.
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