The last several weeks were long and full of terrors.
Virginia, a coordinator of a different program, walked out and quit. She was in a meeting with HR and her managers. The meeting was going well until they pulled out a document. It was a coach. A coach is just about focused training. It lists the areas of opportunity that they want you to work on with the manager you report to. I know this because I received one today.
On her way out, she decided to reveal the letter I had drafted, which was addressed to the board of directors. It’s your choice if you want to send it. She always told me. It wasn’t my fight, but I decided to try and do something on their behalf, but she decided to make that choice for me. She told them I wrote it. She told them who helped me. She threw me under the bus. Stabbed me in the back. In her fragile little mind, she was trying to hurt them with it.
After she quit, the Youth Manager, my boss’s boss, asked my coordinator to take over that program. He then wanted me to take over my program. The very next day, HR shows up with our Cultural Advisor to see me. I thought it was about me taking over my program. They brought up my letter.
Here are the facts:
- The letter was a draft.
- The letter was addressed to the board.
- The letter was exposed before any action could be taken.
- The letter was about governance
- The letter was good-faith whistleblowing.
- I have whistleblower rights that protect me from retaliation and reprisal.
They called it a breach of confidentiality. The trust is broken. I have a right to address the board. At this point, during the meeting, I was caught off guard. I just wanted to do damage control. I did not want anybody else implicated. I’m not Virginia.
I had way too much information about what is going on for someone in my role. I’m at the bottom of the matriarchy. They wanted to know where this was all coming from. I managed not to implicate anyone else. I protected my coordinator. I protected everyone else at the office. I took full ownership. I stood by the concerns. The only person I could not protect was Cathy.
Cathy used to be in our office. She’s a real one. A deadly auntie. She’s in operations. She is the director of Campaigns & Funding. She also inherited the responsibility of pulling our new building together after the last Executive Director was fired. I called her that night after my first meeting with HR. I told them I knew about the letter. I said that I knew who wrote it, but wasn’t going to tell them who. She told me. She doesn’t care if she gets fired. She has been with the NPO for 10 years.
I reached out to Virginia, and she does not believe that what she did was betrayal. Even in my first meeting with HR, everybody brought up how she threw me under the bus. They couldn’t believe that was in her character. She has since blocked me on Facebook. All the Scorpio energy in me is activated. I want revenge. She goes to my family church for Christ’s sake. But alas, I will forgive her. She is a Sixties Scoop survivor. She does amazing work for the community. I do not wish her harm. We can remain blocked. I will see her in the community, but I will not do anything to cause her harm. This includes me talking about what she did to me. After today, I can’t reverse what I have already started. She’s an amazing woman who made a mistake. Just like I made a mistake, this does not define her whole character. We can’t be friends, but we don’t have to be enemies. I am going to the big pow wow on Truth and Reconciliation Day, and I am bound to run into her there. If not at a farmers market. I will not draw blood. I will forgive her, but this could be my Canadian whiskey talking.
Today I finally had my follow-up with HR. They decided to keep me. I had every manager between me and the Executive Director fighting for me. I was expecting to lose my job. I even accepted my fate. When I got called to head office today, I was a dead man walking, as far as I was concerned. Our head office is on an urban reserve. All major decisions have to happen there. From hiring to firing, this is why it is intimidating to be called there. My coordinator was called to this meeting as well.
My boss is like a brother to me; we know that. I love him as such. Most of my damage control has been to protect him from my evil ways. I drove us to head office, even. I was told right off the bat that I wasn’t being terminated. I was given a coach. It is between me and my coordinator. This is best best-case scenario, at this point. I just can’t run my mouth for an x-amount of time. The whole document is removed from my file after 12 months. The Cultural Advisor is taking me under his wing, even. He was impressed that I owned up to it. I told them when I wrote that letter and explained what was going on at that time. (One of my participants passed away. I was being destructive.)
This coach, which I signed, only pertains to me breaching confidentiality. Long story short, stay in my lane. Keep information where it belongs. That letter would have damaged the organization. It would have affected our funding. They are scared of me, yes. I will admit that I am afraid of them right now. I was so done, in my mind, that I updated my resume, I had my references ready to go, and I had something lined up. I did not want to abandon my boys. I did not want my participants to get hurt here. They did not hit me with an NDA or limit my legal options with an arbitration clause, just a commitment to work on the issue with the manager I report to. I did not agree that what I did was a breach of confidentiality. I did not like the verbiage, but I will have a clean slate in 12 months, so whatever. Just lay low and focus on what I am actually hired to focus on.
My Youth Manager is still going to try and get me to be the coordinator of my program. I built it myself, practically. I feel like I will be doing his job for him once that happens. Potential later problems.
We have a big event this weekend I have been helping prepare for. This event was Virginia’s, actually. We are continuing with it. I kept my participation low because I thought I was being fired. It is a hide scraping event. We are giving our youth land-based teachings. I spent all week fleshing buffalo hides. This… is teaching me patience. Teaching us patience, I should say. We are going to build grandfather drums from these hides. We have to get the flesh and fur off. It’s been very challenging. We even caved and got a pressure washer. Rocks. We asked ourselves what our ancestors would have used, and started using rocks, and that was that. That worked miracles. Go figure.
I’m home now. This chapter is closed. I hope. Creator willing. I am going to my first sweat lodge this weekend. That is to us what a church ceremony is to… well, you know. I am also so close to letting the knowledge keeper that I am friends with give me my spirit name. She already thinks I am in the Wendigo clan. I want to be Buffalo Clan so bad, but that’s okay. I can see why I would be Wendigo clan. I think my colours are purple and silver. My name? No idea.
Anyway, I just needed to get this out, finally. Gonna go soak in the tub and then eat. My roommate is in BC, and I’ve had this place to myself all week. It’s been glorious.
Loading comments...