And a veil of innocence dissipates.
As I began the process of getting our property off of the tax rolls, last year, I had no idea what I was actually doing.
I began with anger-outrage, really- that some ignorant, empty, fat and entitled tax man would have the sheer gall to come around and stamp a price on our ability to live in our home for another year. The home that we own. That my daughter was born in. That is granted by contract and by right to my husband and to no one else. Or so I thought.
And now, I see that I was pursuing a path of direct responsibility for my experience.
People go about this differently, Ive noticed. I have a tendency to charge ahead and do a thing, and take my licks as they come. I learn through resistance. I comprehend who I am by finding out what I am not. I fly around the entire defining boundary; the edge is here, not there; and moving on, flying ever forward with ever deeper and wider insight.
And I see others going about it from theinside. I don’t know if that is good or bad or right or wrong. I just notice it. I think that it is prone to far more mistakes. I believe my mother is such a one; and she insists that her emotional-thought projection is reality which others must conform to, by force if need be.
As I move, defining where the boundary exists, I’ve in every instance failed to find any “other” responsible for my experience.
In failure to find an other, ie, through direct perception, I began to accept that I was and am the only creative force of my experience.
The vastness of my Self expands through such acceptance.
As I accept that I am the creative force for all that I experience, that which I perceived once as a force “outside” diminished, and diminished, and still is diminishing.
There is no-thing outside of myself, I believe, that can be responsible for my experience. I, at one time, was after the experience of being victimized. So that is why I gave what I perceived as an outside force to have and exert compelling force over me. I gave it to them.
Which means I can also say “no more”.
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