This has not been the holiday I feel like it should have been.
First off, I feel bad for mom. She’s been dealing with a problem with her septic for over a year. She was really hopeful about me coming home to help her do some things that might improve it. Except as soon as we dug out the lids we realized something was wrong, and mom called to get it pumped. But even after that happened, when we tried to put anything down the lines it just poured back into the septic tank. She thought it was an elbow impeding flow, but I think it’s a blockage. We tried to snake the pipe but it only went in for about a foot, which again mom thought it was the elbow and I insisted it was a blockage. I told her the only way to know what’s going on for sure is to get someone to scope the lines. So we’ve been waiting to hear back from a myriad of people she called for help. She’s gotten replies from the least helpful of the lot, and her stress is through the roof, so she’s been hard to deal with.
Secondly my general anxiety about work has been so persistent that it doesn’t feel like I’m actually away from work. And I keep. fucking. talking. about it. So that’s exactly as much as I’m going to say about that.
The spa that my sister and I went to was lovely. We got hot stone massages and paraffin treatments as well as our toes painted. I chose an iridescent teal colour and my sister chose a colour-shifting royal blue to purple. M said my toes looked like scarabs.
Tuesday night I drove out to the Odd Lady’s and we sat on her balcony and talked about how hard life is. Everyone’s feeling it for one reason or another. Given her life circumstances my life probably appears to be a cakewalk. She said something really meaningful about my situation. She’s always been my biggest supporter over my choice to join the military. She cheered me on through basic, called me on Remembrance Days, and voiced her love in a hundred other ways. That night she said to me, “I was proud of you when you made the decision to join. I will be proud of you when you decide its time to walk away”. Coming from her it felt important. Not like getting her blessing. But more like showing me her support is not conditional to my service. Which I know logically, but it was nice to feel it.
Wednesday was pretty great. It is always a pleasure to hang out with Bird Guy one on one (despite my rule of never being alone with him). We went to a cafe in town, and sat at a table and just talked. We had a pretty frank conversation about our lives, he talked about the struggles at home, and I talked about M’s back (which is still a mess, but perhaps getting better?) and work and just having a finite amount of patience for the bullshit of life. Which is kind of everything right now, right?
I wish I could record our conversations, they’re always so good. Our texts are often saucy and not always about meaningful stuff, but our conversations always go deep.
I’ve noticed this thing happening to me, and I think its a consequence of being with a person who is touch-averse. I’ve forgotten how to be affectionate. Whether romantically or not, I wasn’t sure how to be with Bastet outside the bedroom. And with Bird Guy considering the general magnetism I feel with him, all of my movement feels awkward and incorrect. But he still manages to make me feel at peace. I get anxious about our visits because our history always amps up my feelings, but then when we’re together its the most natural thing in the world. We both like antiques, so we drove down the highway to a store he’d seen on his way to my house on Saturday, and I’d seen when googling local antique places. It was the kind of place that has a bunch of stuff just sitting outside, which surprised us because the store was actually closed. So we drove to the same one we went to last time we had a coffee date, just down the road from mom’s. We wandered through the stalls, pointing out all the neat things, the funny things (like bottle stoppers shaped like butt plugs).
Thinking about him now, I miss him. Our time together is never long enough. It’s people like Bird Guy (and the Odd Couple, and my family) that make me want to move back to my hometown.
In the afternoon mom dropped me off at Odd Lady’s place, and we walked down to the restaurant where we were meeting Thora.
It felt like old times, the sheer volume of occasions that we walked from that neighbourhood through downtown, usually to meet up with Bird Guy and Skater Phil. Except the entire downtown has changed. My favourite restaurant - an absolute must do every time I was home - is gone, other places moved or appeared or disappeared. It’s funny, the human impulse to want things to stay the same. The craziest part of coming home this time is that despite being in busy locations, Costco, downtown, the park, I did not see a single person I recognized. My city has moved on without me. To be fair, I abandoned it pretty hard each time I left.
Dinner with Odd Lady and Thora was good. Despite my favourite restaurant closing parts of the menu were adopted by another restaurant (a merger of sorts), so I got to eat something familiar. We talked the whole time, about books, about people we knew, about life as we know it. We were supposed to go swimming, but dinner took longer than expected and Thora had to go home. Odd Lady and I walked back to her place, where we met Odd Fellow, and the three of us drove out to a local park and swam as the sun set and the moon rose. Odd Lady peeled off her bathing suit at one point, Odd Fellow followed suit, so I also joined the fun. It has been years since I skinny dipped in the lake. Every time I do it I think of skinny dipping off the city dock during the August Long Weekend Carnival and Skater Phil just standing on the dock admiring the view.
By the time The Odd Couple drove me home it was past 10:30. Mom and my sister were watching some documentary about a missing woman, so I went to my room, smoked a vape, and fucked around on my phone until I was tired enough to sleep.
Today has been a weird one. I started by finally cutting the stained glass I brought, needing to use mom’s diamond saw. It went okay. I did break one of the pieces, but I’m not too fussed shit happens.
Mom had a minor septic task for me, and I went with her to the township to pay her taxes. After we got back I read for a few hours. Later my sister asked if I wanted to take the dogs to the park (I did not), so we went to the park. We mostly sat and chatted instead of walking, my sister’s main goal was to get her one dog more used to strange dogs. I was once again struck by how I didn’t recognize a single person. I did make the realization that the people with young children were no longer my age, but young millennials or maybe even Gen Z.
We sat on a park bench and I remembered my “dying wish” that a bench be donated in my name, memorializing my time in the park with Odd Lady, Bird Guy and Skater Phil. I still hope that happens.
We left the park, went home and ate dinner. We all sat in our respective places on our respective devices. Eventually my sister asked me if I wanted to go for a walk (I did not), so we went for a walk. On the way back we ran into a Persian woman (so she told us) who was wandering the neighbourhood, and lamented to us how much she’d love to live on the water. We talked to her for some time, and eventually my sister told her about our neighbour’s house for sale. She offered to bring Persian food over to mom. Relaying this story to mom, when she heard about the Persian food she asked “is she brown?”, and when we said yes she got excited about the prospect of having a neighbour who looks more like her.
I thought I’d be seeing Odd Lady if not The Odd Couple tonight, but she’s been dealing with the death of her much beloved truck, and I’m having a hard time not feeling slighted.
Tomorrow morning we drive back to my sister’s place. I think we’re going to go see my cousin, he’s done some beautiful work on the house he bought. He’s such an interesting guy, and I’m constantly wondering how he’s single.
Who knows what else tomorrow will bring. Maybe I’ll call up Janeane and see what she’s up to. Maybe have another weedy stroll through the neighbourhood.
My flight departs at 815am on Saturday. I’ll be home before lunch. I can’t wait to see my husband.
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