One of the kids in my program passed away this morning. I don’t know what happened, but his mother texted me this afternoon to let us know. He was just 11 years old. I suspect that it was suicide because that is why he was in our program.
I started with denial. I couldn’t believe what I read. I didn’t even finish the text when I started calling for my coordinator. He didn’t finish reading it either; he dropped my phone. We just started a program with some of our other participants. We let them know at the end of the program. They are just as stunned. They were talking about him throughout the program.
I was just saying last week how, statistically, 2 out of my 20 participants are not going to live to the age of 25. They will die by suicide, gang violence, or drug overdose. More of them are likely to end up incarcerated than finish school. His grandmother was trying to take him out of our program. It’s a long story, but we are trying to be a constant presence for these kids. It’s life or death; those are the stakes. That’s how it feels.
I don’t really know what to say. I’m still in shock. I keep picturing his little face. I can hear his obnoxious laugh. He was our smallest kid, but one of our oldest. He made up for that with his extremely bold character. The other kids were intimidated by him. We just bought a metal detector for our program with him in mind. We were excited to tell him about it. He likes to look around for stuff on the ground.
He had a little brother who always hugged me when he saw me. I replied to his mother and told her to tell us how we can support them through this if they need support. We are waiting for details on the funeral so we can attend. One of our participants wants to come with us to pay their respects. We will definitely have a little ceremony for his spirit journey that started way too fucking soon.
Just the other week, we introduced him to his bundle. We taught him and the other boys how to sing the bear song. He was so into it. He said he enjoyed it and wanted to record it for his little brother.
It’s starting to sink in now. I’m going to do a smudge and take cover from this tornado that is apparently just outside my city.
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